Hitting save is very important... database sync isn't working and I am lazy
|What:||Hockessin Hash #136 - Crab Hash II|
|When:||Jan. 1, 1900|
|Where:||Port Penn, DE|
|Nothing here yet||Hashers|
|H4H136: Crab Hash II: Children of the Corn|
Location: Port Penn
Number of hashers: 25 +/-
Total time: one hour thirteen minutes thirtytwo seconds fortyfour hundreths
Trail rating: judgment reserved for popular acclaim
Hares in alphabetical order: virgin hare Cribsnatcher, Cupcakes, Groper, Roadkill
Weather: wet and dark predicted
This day started as any other, the insane racists who pretend to be hashers took off on a short jaunt through the woods. After a couple hours they reappeared at the finish line looking refreshed and ready for some really strenuous activity. During this time Hard On tried to kill himself by dehydration, having forgotten to drink his Guiness the night before and Hornblower left a couple bear piles in the woods as fertilizer. Rubber, Rosebutt, Achey Breaky, Fungi, Woodypecher, Material Girl, Flygirl, Cereal Killer and others came through doing little more than soaking the flora in sweat. Flaming Asshole, true to hasher form, shortcutted the route less than four minutes from the end and paid the consequences, running an extra two miles to the yellow tape. I almost forgot that Banged Up ran the easier route and was there to revive Hard On with her vital female fluids when he came staggering in across the finish. Fiftynine masochists finished the longer tour, with an uncertain number doing the less scenic 5K route. The last included one neophyte child who out-kicked his uncle to be first in on the short tour. From here, the day went downhill, because after a short nap, it was time to hash.
"HOLEY CORNFIELDS BATMAN, MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE FLOWN THE COOP ON THIS HASH", said Robin after the first three hours of plowing through the corn and dodging groundhog holes. Basically, this hash was a continual cornfield, with real shiggy to stitch the cornfields together and groundhog holes to add an element of danger. It had three very good features - two bimboes in front of me as a constant reminder of the excellent scenic wonders called womanhood, two beer stops and two hundred pounds of flour marking trail. This is a definate improvement from Crib's prior virgin haring, where all the FRB bimboes had more sense than to hash, there was only one beer stop and the trail was marked with only two pounds of flour. I guess the extra flour from marking the morning stroll was given to the hares to mark this trail.
The trail started on a bus, which evicted us into the wilds of Port Penn. A quick miscue was followed by true trail raping a music fest of its sedate country cousin atmosphere. A short time of road racing was followed by a quick passage through the first cornfield. Trail was then discovered along a soybean field and then into the shiggy. Up and down a few deer trails and we arrived at an endless BS loop, which one of the hares had to direct us out of. Shortly, a beer stop was located and then it was into the corn! Three or four days of cornfield later, one of the hares decided to show us the true trail and led the pack through. After another day or two, we arrived at the end of the first cornfield and entered shiggy, only to quickly dump out back into more corn. Again the hare led and we repeated the pattern awhile more. Finally! a beer stop was located, followed by shiggy and more cornfield. At the end of this last cornfield, vehicles were located with Kung Fuc behind the wheel of Rubber's (now H4's) truck. After filling the truck with hashers four deep, Kung Fuc demonstrated driving at its best, taking out rose bushes, trees, lawns and hashers with his excellent driving skills. Along the way, My Cock Shoots Blanks and Cupcakes were located doing roadwork. (Cupcakes managed to get lost on the trail she helped set.) Cupcakes, being naive about Kung Fuc's driving skills pounced into Hard On's lap and Asswipes arms causing hard ons among the males and bared teeth with hisses among their significant others. My Cock wisely chose the chase vehicle for the journey back to the pediculus pubis feast.
A couple weeks later, all the missing hashers were found, mostly as roadkill and brought back to life at the smell of fermented beverages. Down Downs were performed, with Lt. Dan being first in (and last to leave the party that night). Mr. Clean brought an overwhelming handfull of virgin walkers. After they were rescued from this trail, they were toasted and their virtues tasted. Crabs were finally served and the hash settled down to cracking crabs, guzzling beer and consuming wimp food. Post dinner entertainment consisted of Dina (long lost Dina) trying to rip off Hard On's pants to see if his name was true and one of the virgins trying to inhale Mr. Clean's face. (Mr. Clean handed her off to Rosebutt when he needed to rest. Her vocalizations then went from weak oohs and aahs to deeply contented purrings punctuated by frequent screams of ecstasy.) From here the evening went downhill with the more sober headed to bed. All in all, a pretty good hash and very good food. At this rate, within the next millenium or two, Cribsnatcher may lose the designation of perpetually virgin hare.
THERE WILL BE A MEETING ON OCTOBER 1ST AT 7 P.M., SALSA'S RESTAURANT, FOR ALL HASH OFFICERS AND OTHER INTERESTED PEOPLE TO SET THE AGENDA FOR THE REST OF GOMEZ'S TERM AS GM. INCLUDED WILL BE THE 150TH HASH/CHRISTMAS PARTY, POSSIBLE JOINT HASHES, THE 169TH "MENAGE' A TWAT" HASH AND OTHER IMPORTANT BUSINESS.
Kung Fuc recently destroyed a kayaking record in an event on the Wye River of Maryland's Eastern Shore. He deserves a thorough paddling for this accomplishment.
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