Hockessin Hash House Harriers History

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Hash Details
Hash Number:134
What:Hockessin Hash #134
When:Jan. 1, 1900
Where:Park and Ride near Prices CornerĀ at intersection of Centerville Rd and Old Capitol Trail, Wilmington, DE
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Hash Trash
H4H134: Dead Head's Death March Revisited
Location: Park & Run, Prices Corner
Number of hashers: 34 +/-
Total time: In before dark
Trail rating: interesting suburban/urban
Hares: Dead Head and Fungi
Weather: warm and sunny, with a hint of darkness coming
For the survivors of Deadhead's Original Deathmarch, there was much trepidation about attempting to follow again in his flour. The original haring of his covered almost all of Wilmington's western suburbs including Baltimore, Washington D.C., Frederick, Maryland, Harpers Ferry, West Virginia and Columbus, Ohio. So, it was with much fear and forboding we gathered again at Prices Corner on a day of fine weather. (Which was in contrast to the cold and blustery day we met before, where the ice was heavy in the air and beards, except for those women who shaved to facilitate oral/genital activities.)
The hash started out with everyone having high hopes of early shiggy, dodging Amtrack trains and encountering numerous constabulary types. One of these expectations was realized, lots of cops. We hit the pavement south towards what could have been an easy fatboys hash and great Apres at Pasta Blitz. Instead, with the DFL's leading the way, we bypassed the food and headed towards the famous porn palace, Cinema 141. The main difference with their movies from the recent past is that the style of pornography has changed from outright and easy to understand acts of sexuality and beastiality to the more subtle "family viewing" type which paints such rosy pictures of marital bliss and family harmony that people feel compelled to go home, see a preacher and then forget to use condoms for the next 20 years and 35 children. By this time it is too late to realize the sublty overwhelming pornographic message you received and suing for breach of contract is not possible either.
The pack searched this parking lot hard for some divine mesage of trail direction and came back empty. Further south all became clear with an arrow to the east and into the shiggy! Skirting a storage area for waste household goods, we headed east and east again. We popped out at a tame little park and were lost in its immensity. Backtracking a little, we headed east again into the shiggy and finally out into an area where the preferred type of entertainment was evident by T.V. antennas the size of the houses beneath. This was followed by some swift Dodge diving to Party City, on the far side of the Kirkwood Highway in Elsmere. Unfortunately, it was not Party City for us on account of the two blue vehicles which appeared to be waiting to ambush a beer keg.
Being directed to look for an arrow at the butt side of a building, we travelled in search of said mark. Hornblower tooted and we were off into the shiggy. Chasing hard on the scent of trail we came to a small trickle consisting of 45% raw sewage, 15% motor oil and 40% unidentifiable liquids, some of which may have been water. Chasing down through the shiggy, we encountered something vaguely identifiable as female with IQs and wastelines in an inverse ratio. No one was brave enough to sacrifice itself in a manly (or womanly) way to save the hash the vulgarities uttered forth from these unfortunate creatures' orifices. (It's amazing how deep the pile around a person three orifices can make.) So, forced to make a choice between sewer or thorns, most of us chose thorns. A little more blood letting and we came to another little park and imbibe. A cute little CB4 split the pack into two groups. One group went left and the other right, colliding at the top of this BS loop with both groups deciding to go counterclockwise to the original check. From here it was a pretty easy road race back to the start of this bit of infamy. The normal FRBs were pressing hard to determine the honor of First In only to be shocked by our pet DFLs, Cupcakes and Devil Woman being there before us. It is now very safe to say that very little of western Wilmington remains unhashed by trails of Dead Head's setting.
Directions were given to the Apres, Bald Stewey's, and we were off again. This was a nice little dive near Prices Corner. The worst obscenity of the night was then committed. A bar with a bagpiper on the sign and a Scottish name serving Bud Light with no Guinness or other real beer (read stout) even in the building. If there's anything more obscene or sacrilegious to a hasher than this, it will be hard to find. Pasta and salad were served to wash the taste of Bud Light out of our mouths. Finally, after several near altercations with the bar regulars, the party died and everyone went to other places.
Other notes:
The H4 Racing Team cleaned up at the Pennsville Septemberfest 5K. Rosebutt took 3rd overall, 1st Masters and 1st age group, setting a 5K PR. Groper and Do Me both took second in their age groups. Achey Breaky and Fungi both took 1st and 2nd in their age group. This was Groper's first race and she completed it in good form with help from someone to remain unnamed.
Roadkill also was busy winning a green jacket for foreplay among the horse pastures, cow pats and industrial wastes surrounding Pennsville. Thereby proving we are not a one dimensional group. We can drink ourselves sick, run ourselves to death and whack the hell out of little defenseless balls. Therefore, we are a three dimensional club.
Now another note in the continuing series on the proper wifely deportment towards the very reason for their existence:
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
Basically, men are hungry when they come home and need their appetites taken care of. A meal consists of two parts: you, or a similar substitute and what's on the table. Both need some advanced planning. Sex, like every other meal, needs some variety to keep the tastebuds alive. So one evening, you can be coated in Bleu cheese and the next have a neighbor stop over coated in Boston Creme pie. Then there's always the menagerie version where you present him with a menu of various local treats and let him chose. Mutton and beef do not always have to be served cooked. A lively little lambkin or heifer can be an envigorating change of pace. Mares are an interesting challenge. They can either be mounted after a brisk chase or whoever is already in the saddle can be mounted. Irish Setters are fun, especially with their long red hair and fiery tempers to enchance the sexual stimulation. Just make sure he is given a choice between the type with warm hands and the ones with forepaws.
The food end of the meal is pretty easy. Just plan to have the best in international cusine ready for him every night. He should have at least three or four styles of food ready to make his choice from at every meal. If Indonesian is unappealing on a specific night, then make sure he has Japanese, American Indian, Tibetian or Russian ready to try. There's also the lamb, heifer or mare from his pre-dinner activites to consider. All make a wide variety of excellent dishes to satisfy his appetites. Remember, he works hard for his family and needs pampering.
If none of this appeals to you, there's always two traditional remedies. If the slow methodical method of resolving marital problems is your style, then just serve him the best of European cusine. By the time he has a nice income and decent death benefits, a heart attack is very probable. To speed up the process, make sure you serve the meal immediately after his arrival home and he will be too full and shortly too fat to exercise. With this double whammy of overeating fatty foods and lack of exercise, he is sure to make you a well provided widow by his 45th birthday. The other method is to serve the same foods as listed previously and season them with the salts of heavy metals. A few years of this and your problems are solved. Unfortunately, this method tends to leave a messy trail of evidence, whereas the first method is both legal and frequently encouraged.
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