Hitting save is very important... database sync isn't working and I am lazy
|What:||Hockessin Hash #156|
|When:||Jan. 1, 1900|
|Where:||Baynard Stadium, Wilmington, DE|
|Nothing here yet||Hashers|
|H4H156: Happy and Gay at Baynard Stadium or Hash by Default|
Location: Baynard Stadium
Number of Hashers: 30+
Number of Gays: 15 or 20
Number of Alcoholics (excluding hashers): at least two
Number of Alcoholics (including hashers): 32+
Total time: maybe 40 minutes
Hares: Roadkill, Gomez and George
Weather: similar to April
First In: Who cares?
This hash had something for everyone. It started at a place more renowned for its Gaiety than its athletic prowess. Then again, this is where men watch boys reach between each other's legs for balls when not patting each other on the butt. In the off-season this is a bastion of puerile lust, a place used by old men to show off young boys in skimpy outfits passing symbolic phalluses. I call for this Sodom's destruction! Bann it from American culture as both an obscenity and an affront to the sensitivities of every hetero American male, a challenge to all pure womanhood! Where are the defenders of Americanism when they are needed! (Where's Ralph McKinney to show us how to channel our youthful lust?) Oh, the woeful depths into which America has plunged again and again and again!
Back to the hash. Signs were laid and then trail was discovered going north. (Achey
Breaky discovered trail north earlier while adding to the Wilmington water supply.) The SCBs among us followed his lead and let the dumb and dumber ones run trail for a while before putting them on to our secrets. Eventually we plunged down a slope bridging a woman's thighs and to the Brandywine. Once down here we did a BS loop which took us towards Brandywine Park Condos and then back along the Brandywine River. A few tried to shortcut but had a choice of getting their balls and/or cunts ripped off on a barbed wire topped fence or following everyone else. I saw no strategically placed ice packs afterwards and heard no ambulances, so it is assumed that no one attempted this shortcut. Instead, we crawled along the river coming to a tree trunk. It was a situation which reminded me a lot like trying to give a massage to a 300 pound woman. (Or, since I need to give equal time to the female viewpoint, like being on top with a large gelatinous mass of male between (in?) your thighs.) The tree was so large around that to get over it with any speed you had to straddle it, putting your hands in the middle of where the back (gut) would be and hope not to blow out your hips in the process. For me, this was the day's greatest and close to last challenge. We crossed the Swingers' Bridge shortly thereafter, but were too late for the two o'clock event and too early for the one at six. (What good is this bridge if there's no spouse swapping going on? It might as well be called the Chastity Bridge.) A quick nasty couple of checks had us headed north, then south and along the river some more. At Broom Street, the trail swept down onto park trail, past a couple of alcoholics in the shell of a building to a tow path. Then across the Brandywine to Josephine Gardens and railroad tracks we RACED! Here on was easy, go past the zoo, step in a couple of dog piles and head to Baynard Stadium, not forgetting to pay homage to a war America lost.
The Apres was at Slutmaster's sans Slutmaster. He managed to add to his injuries on trail with his car when an inopportune Mercedes decided to test his machismo and totalled his vehicle on the way to the Apres. Eventually the Down Downs were performed and a name given. Bert is now officially SnoBalls, due to time spent in Aspen or thereabouts icing aforementioned parts on the slopes. I think he got off easy: if he did not have show such strong hetero tastes, he could have become SnoBlower. Then again, if he was strongly auto-erotic, it could have been SnoJob.
* Slut Master as a name for someone who has broken both arms while on hash and then managed to have a car totalled under him is just not right. I was thinking Crash Test Dummy or Crash & Burn would be more in line with experience.
Sooner than we think, our 169th will be here. The word from our GM is that, "WE WILL GO FULL OUT, NO HOLDS BARRED", for this event. I look at this as a chance to push our creativity to the very edges and put together an event to remember. A meeting to organize this was held with only Gomez, Slutmaster and Rosebutt in attendance. To pull this off, we will need more interest. Either that or I'll run the whole hash naked and see what follows us to the party. Anyone who doubts this needs only remember two Septembers back
|from web archive|