Hockessin Hash House Harriers History

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Hash Details
Hash Number:583
What:Hockessin Hash #583
When:Nov. 5, 2005
Where:Four Seasons Plaza on Rt. 896 south of Newark
Hares:Bunion Butt
Pedalphile
Message
What: Hockessin Hash #583,
When: Saturday November 5, 2005 @ 3:00pm
Where: Four Seasons Plaza on Rt. 896 south of Newark
Who: Pedalphile & Bunion Butt.
D'Erections: From I-95 take Exit 1(Rt. 896-Middletown) south. Travel a little more than one mile, crossing Old Baltimore Pike along the way, then turn right into the Four Seasons Plaza.
Special Event: Progressive Live Hare! Hot Running Hare Pedalphile will be given a brief head start, then the Pack will chase him down. Catch the Hare, take his flour sack & now you're the Hare. (As a practical matter, since no one would actively choose to catch the Hare, the Hare will probably ambush one of the Front Running Bastards, spray him with flour and hand over the Haring duties). Special Bonus Feature: Refreshing Beer Stop at every change in Hare. Beer for all except the new Hare - "No beer for you!"
Hashers
Hash Trash
“Can’t We Get Some Hash Management that Can Actually Manage a Hash?”
Hash #583 November 5, 2005
Hockessin Hash House Harriers

Two Who Should Know Better
Bunion Butt, Grand Master, 2005-2006
Pedalphile, Hare Raiser, 2005-2006

Pedalphile is a cocksure young man, a stud runner who carries upon his spindle shanks frame a weight of about 148 pounds, a body fat index of around 6%, and a specific gravity of less than 0.97.

So it came as no surprise that on this unseasonably warm afternoon, when he was given a ten minute Live Hare Head Start (perhaps seven minutes more than needed), the lil’ nipper quickly out distanced the Lumbering Pack of Hounds, leaving them lost and whimpering on the shitty trail.

The idea behind this Modified Progressive Live Hare Hash was simple: a sack of flour, a speedy Hare, a brief head start, a Pack on trail, a few Falsies, maybe a Check Back, then a Hare ambushing an unsuspecting Front Running Bastard and swatting him as hard as he can with a fistful of flour, thereby anointing the next Hare. The new Hare then shoulders the flour sack and moves forward On-Trail while the laggard Hounds enjoy a refreshing beer. This repetitive process is carried on again and again. Lather. Rinse. Repeat until we are all safely On-In.

This is the theory at least. And like Communism and group sex, this works beautifully in theory. In practice however, what happened was this:

Pedalphile took off on a dead sprint, establishing his personal best time over the initial 1000 meters, until at last he remembered to lay a flour trail. He lost the Pack but returned to find them, cleverly leading them toward a Beer Stop, all the while setting a magnificent Hash Trail in which… Oh, Christ. I can’t polish this turd any more. It was a cluster fuck from the very beginning.

Nominal Hare Bunion Butt screwed up the planning of the trail and Actual Hare Pedalphile screwed up the execution of the trail. If it wasn’t for Replacement Hare Mike Hunt’s rescue of the bewildered Pack, and his deliverance of that Pack to the Beer Stop, they might be out there still.

Somehow the Hashole Hares were able to wrangle the Hounds safely back On-In, where Hash offenses were adjudicated with punishing five ounce Dixie cup Down-Downs. From there we meandered the short 100 yards through a parking lot to the Pale Dog Saloon. And while the Hares provided steaming plates of beer and frothy pitchers of pizza to fulfill the hydrational and gustatory needs of the Hashers, their libidinous and fleshly desires were left unsatisfied – leaving the sore and swollen Pack in an engorged state of tumescent frustration.

So what else is new?

Bunion Butt
November 2005
Files:
Hash_Trash___Hash_Mismanagement.doc