Hockessin Hash House Harriers History

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Hash Details
Hash Number:249
What:Hockessin Hash #249 - Himalaya Birthday Hash
When:Sept. 11, 1999
Where:ACME Parking Lot, Media, PA
Hares:Banged Up
Hard On
Himalaya
Sweet Cheeks
Toxic Shock
Message
Nothing here yet
Hashers
Achey Breaky Balls
All You Can Eat
Banged Up
Buffy
Bumper Humper
Butthead
Circle Jerk
Cribsnatcher
Cupcakes
Dancing Fool
DFG
Digital Dick
Do Me On the Beach
Dung Ho
Fancy Pants
Flygirl
Gomez
Groper
Hard On
Himalaya
Lick It Clean
Likes It Long
Make Me an Offer
Queer Balls
Roadkill
Senior Sex Toy
Slutmaster
Snack
Stumpy the Sex Dwarf
Sweet Cheeks
Toxic Shock
Weird Al Spanks the Bitch
What About Bob
Wingnuts
Woody Woodpecker
Hash Trash
Hockessin HHH - The Big Bertha - uh, Birthday - Hash Trash
For Saturday September 11, 1999
Hash Number 246
Ed. note: This is the most conspicuous turn of incest that I have ever seen! Writing your own hash trash! Tooting your own horn! Whaddup wit dat?? Oh, okay, so it's Himalaya's birthday. yeah, well, all right then ...
In the middle of a beautiful afternoon, about 40 hounds from the world famous H4 met in the Acme market parking lot in Media, PA---despite the hotline de-erections that steered hashers toward south Philly. Our noble hares, Hard On and Himalaya, along with the sexy trio of Toxic Shock, Sweet Cheeks, and Banged Up (henceforth known as Him'll Lay Ya's Angels---not to be confused with Charlie's Angels) got the impatient mob On-Oning at 3:15. The woodsy land of Smedley Park beckoned us toward the east, but to the consternation of all (except the smart-ass hares, of course)the trail went west into the heart of beautiful downtown Media, the governmental seat of Delaware county. Media is a charming little burg and that's why it's called "Everybody's Hometown". Of course hashers would have named it something like"Piss-ant Village", or "Sucksville". So screw youse guys; we like Media!
The accessories to this crime were: Circle Jerk, Crib Snatcher, Cupcakes, Dancing Fool, DFG, Queer Balls, Carolyn Carroll, Buffy, Roadkill, Stewart Dotts, Digital Dick, Do Me on the Beach, Make Me an Offer, Slutmaster, Kevin Cao, Bumper Humper, Dung Ho, Edna Jacoby, Weird Al..., Fancy Pants, Flygirl, Snack, Likes it Long, What About Bob, Wingnuts, Groper, Woodpecker, Lick it Clean, Gomez, and All You Can Eat. So, the Hash tooled down the ass-fault of the main drag until a sign directed them to the Armory for an opportunity to enlist in the Army. Predictably, this option was met with an enthusiastic display of creative obscenity. On-On down a long hill into a park at the end of State St. for which a price was paid by having to make a long uphill climb along narrow trails and into some shiggy that opened up into a lovely forest. The gambol through the woods included a juicy CB 10 and an eventual true path to the beer stop. It was there that we were accosted by an anal retentive old geezer who informed us that we were trespassing (a time honored hasher activity) on his property. No sweat 'though. We left him mollified and believing that the H4 was one of the great conservationist forces of modern times. See!! If you tell big enough lies, they'll go for it! How could he know of our eco-barbarian reputation?
Out of the woods and after a long, brutal uphill, we were on the pleasant back streets of Media and into the county government's courtyard where nobody was thoughtful enough to moon the mayor. On-on to the police station where another sign invited entry for free mug shots and finger print (that's THE finger). The final mile took us to Sweet Cheeks' house and then through a small woods to the ON-IN at Himalaya's home in Wallingford---a notorious center for nudist activity and sexual debauchery.
It was a pretty cool Apres. The religious ceremony was ably conducted by Beeper and Down-Downs were administered to the hares,& a Hashus interruptus by the name of Screaming Pussy. Visitors recognized were Kathy Lau and Himalaya's daughter, Lise (that's Lisa with an e). An additional down-down for the birthday boy, Himalaya, a 26 year old who, by some evil magic, is trapped in a 70 year old body. We then enjoyed popcorn and chips to help the beer slide down, and outstanding salads (courtesy of Him'll Lay Ya's Angels), and barbecued ribs (courtesy of Black Moses of Chester, PA). A terrific birthday cake was demolished and the H4 presented Himalaya with a wonderful gift of a beautiful ceramic "Chiminea" (ed.note: Because I am of asian descent, I feel free to mention that "Chiminea" when pronounced aloud sounds suspiciously like "Chimney" pronounced with a Japanese accent) --- a Japanese portable fireplace for the garden.
To the grrreat H4, Lise's Dad (he's big...he's bad...he's a BIG, BAD Dad!) says Thanks a million, mange tak, mille grazie, merci beaucoup, or dank u vel to all for helping me celebrate my big day.
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Hockessin HHH - The Hash Trash
More than just a newspaper, it's emergency toilet paper, too!
For Saturday September 11, 1999
Hash Number 249
Guest Editor: Buffy
Ed. note: Yes, you are correct - this is a duplicate trash for Himalaya's birthday. But hey - you only turn 70 once, right? And, Himalaya numbered his trash wrong - called it 246 rather than 249, so I guess it's not actually a duplicate. But who's counting? ALSO: Buffy decided to get fancy on me and use all of this editing shit in Word that doesn't work in HTML, so I'm having to fix his trash up BY HAND and he damn well better appreciate it!!!!! (hint hint Buffy - you better kiss up to me big time!) So this fancy editing shit goes like this: the striked-out red stuff is deleted from Buffy's last trash. Red italic are his smart comments. Ed. notes are from yours truly, DW.
I've always believed in taking the time to do the job right. Nose to the grindstone, roll up your sleeves, take illegal stimulants to stay awake: the American work ethic at its finest! This is exactly the approach I'll take in writing about Hash #249 - the Himalaya's 70th Birthday Extravaganza. I'm really glad I took that Word class in editing features. It should make this job go smooth as glass. Ed note: MY ASS!!!!!!
Well, Boys and Girls, what I time we had. Forty-eight About thirty hashers turned up for the Do Me on the Beach Himalaya and Circle Jerk Engagement Birthday Hash Extravaganza Hash. The chief hare of the pending disaster was Himalaya with able assistance provided by the energetic Toxic Shock and a Philly H3 member (and her mountain bike) Sweet Cheeks. Here's a thought: their kids will be named Jerk Me on the Beach and Do Me in a Circle. (ø Remove this line - not germane -- insert pithy comment instead - steal something from Internet and take credit).
Anyway, the hash took place in the pleasant surroundings of both old and new New Castle Media, PA, scene of many a previous hash (ø you'd think the hares could dream up something new). The usual group of social deviates, fugitives, lamebrains, closet homosexuals, cross-dressers, and convicted felons showed up at the New Castle Middle School. Acme parking lot. Unfortunately, they came for the peewee football game to shop at Acme while the rest of us were there for the hash. (ø why change a great line like this - they'll never know.)
The hash started promptly (as if) and pushed on from the schoolyard straight down the main street of Media, to a path behind a shopping center that paralleled some railroad tracks past the Army National Guard Recruiting Station (locked, of course - didn't Himalaya look like a dumbass holding that sign), and finally to a public park where the fun really began. A checkpoint was soon spotted on top of an exposed drainage pipe in the middle of a stream of a wooden bridge. The FRB's being the geniuses they are, opted to go straight left thus avoiding the possibility of an unpleasant drowning incident(s) going right. Soon another checkpoint was discovered and the trail turned towards the river descended a steep hill, crossed a paved road (one of the few in Media not run on that day), and continued through the thicket. The trail shadowed a fence line for a piece and then turned along the river continued until a CB10 was discovered. After seemingly hours of milling about, it was determined that it was actually be a CB9 (apparently, the hares didn't know there would be math). The true trail was subsequently discovered by a FRB (way to go, Magellan, if you were with Columbus we'd all be speaking Swahili) to a beer check where ample refreshments were made available to the thirsty hounds. A concerned citizen (read nosy son-of-a-bitch) scolded Himalaya for violating the sacred private property rights held so dear by all Pennsylvanians. Since this was the first thing Himalaya violated in years, he took it as a compliment, smoked a cigarette, took a cold shower, and moved on. The hashers left the area showing their appreciation for the citizen's concern by giving him the universal sign for "you're number 1."
After a brief respite where a curious brew was served from small green bottles, the trail continued through Old New Castle. It was later learned that the "mystery brew" was actually several cases of mislabeled urine samples from a local clinic. Grand Master Flash Hornblower was severely beaten for this miscue. He is recovering in an area hospital. I rushed to his aid because I wanted to save his life and still be able to stay at his beach house over Labor Day weekend.
The trail found it's way to another park and then wound through Old New Castle the Media center of government, through a slippery alleyway the police station (again with the sign), and down several thousands of streets to the beginning back at the school yet another park, across some surprised homeowner's front yard, and finally to the on-in at Himalaya's eclectic abode. All in all, an excellent trail performed flawlessly on a glorious evening afternoon.
Down downs were held in the school parking lot at Himalaya's. Several cherries visitors (Sweet Cheeks and just Kathy), violators, and hashus interupti were punished. and one young lad (Dung Ho's boy Sam) No one was named, : Mini-me. although one hasher (just Stewart) came dangerously close.
The apres was held at Do Me's parents' house in Penn Acres featured pork ribs. Ed. note: OH MY GOD - SAVE THE PIGS! It was also a birthday party for Do Me's grandmother. Great food, loads of beer, and the highlight of the evening afternoon, Cribsnatcher's stirring speech, marked the occasion much like a dog marks his territory no Belgian-piss beer!. Lick it Clean presented the happy couple with two gifts: a book entitled, 101 Quickies (all dogged-eared and highlighted) and a rubber breast to snap on a beer can (I don't believe that one myself). Emotions ran high but Do Me's parents were consoled by the thought that they weren't losing a daughter, they were losing a renter. Plans are to turn Do Me's room into a den and to burn her bed and linens because God only knows what went on in there! Himalaya was presented with a lovely birthday gift: a chiminea. Chiminea is Spanish for "looks like a giant bong." Ed. note: See my comment for hash trash 246. College students in the crowd were observed salivating. The chiminea turned up missing, however; and was last seen on a date in downtown Newark with Make Me an Offer.
On-on!
(Fire Marshall) Buffy (the Vampire Slayer) Ed. note: Buffy - you owe me big time!
Hooah! Living La Vida Loca
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