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|What:||Hockessin Hash #1152 - First Week of the Month of Skidmarks, "The Menage a Skidmarks" or the "The Third Quadrennial of the Month of Skidmarks"|
|When:||Sept. 7, 2016|
|Where:||Newark Reservoir, Newark, DE|
|What: Hockessin Hash #1152, First Week of the Month of Skidmarks, "The Menage a Skidmarks" or the "The Third Quadrennial of the Month of Skidmarks"|
When: Wednesday, September 7, 2016 -- Pack away at 6:30 pm. Since this is the last Wednesday night trail, there will not be much light so the hare will send the pack on it's way on time.
Where: Newark Reservoir, Old Paper Mill Rd., Newark, DE
Who Hare: Skidmarks ... if you have not figured that one out.
Why: Cuz it takes Skidmarks 4 years to forget that doing four trails in a row in a bad idea.
What Else: As stated, this is the last Wednesday trail for the year and light will be limited, so the pack will be away promptly. Dry bag and chair suggested. And, depending on how fast you do trail ... a light source is also suggested, headlight, flashlight, lantern, candles, torch, whatever you might have. Currently the apres is planned for outside, so bring an umbrella, poncho, bathing suit.
D'erections: From I-95, take Exit 3 - 273 W towards Newark. On Main street, turn right onto N Chapel Street. N Chapel Street crosses over Cleveland Ave and becomes Paper Mill Rd. Pass Timothy's Restaurant (will be on your right). Turn Right onto Old Paper Mill Rd. On your left there will be a parking area for the Newark Reservoir. Park, have a beer, complain, and Hash.
Cock a Doodle Don't
Dirty Wet Pussy
Do Me On the Beach
Hare Today Cum Tomorrow
Jewel of Duh-Nile
Magic Carpet Ride
The International House of Virgins
Tits of Steel
|Hockessin Hash #1152: First Month of Skidmarks Hash|
So, the slobbering pack met at Newark’s receding swimming hole, aka the Reservoir in, you guessed it, Newark, DE on a warm and getting humider and darker, mid 80-ish degree evening of September 7th, 2016 AD for the last Wednesday hash of the year. Hashers I remember encountering at some point or other included: Jewel of Duh-Nile, PubeHeAteHer, NecroPheelMeUp, Skidmarks, Lost Penis, Dirty Wet Pussy, Magic Carpet Ride, Fuck 5, Closing Time, Wet Lay, Bunion Butt, Butthead, Groper, Do Me On the Beach, Woody, Miss Piss, Spunk Monkey, Bunion’s Bitch, Dancing Fool, Cousin It, Wishboneher, Hare Today Cum Tomorrow, Pickle Dick, Tinsel Tits, Cockadoodledon’t, Wickwacker, International House of Virgins, Tits of Steel, Mount Me and ...?
Our hare for the day was, you guessed it, Skidmarks who with this being an election year and an Olympic year, completely lost his shit and decided to cum forth and res-erect his hare-brained idea of haring 4 trails during the month of Skid-tember. A few wankers commemorated the occasion by sporting 2012’s shirt which was given to all who completed all 4 trails. Skid promises a “special prize” for the same feat this year, though it will remain to be seen how special and prized this unknown thing will be. Chalk talk began at a prompt 6:33pm, which for H4 is quite early, but as Skid promised, so he delivered that trail would begin “on time” due to the fading daylight and the certainty that some hashers would be dragging ass per usual and would perhaps require some supportive illumination. Magic Carpet Ride, being a former girlscout, came prepared with her own clip-on blinky light, which may or may not have been borrowed from one of her Chihuahuas. And so, Skidmarks explained his marks, which he described as “standard hash marks” (to be determined), consisting of some checks, fuck-you’s, Turkey/Eagle split (in which the Eagles were informed would be a lovely time to “just run”), some tits with a dick between them (which described every hasher in circle) and an arrow pointing in the “not necessarily true” direction. Wishboneher nominated Wet Lay to carry the hash shit and IHOV to carry the sleeve of beer, which they both accepted with enthusiasm and we were off, wandering around the parking lot looking like we had all lost our keys simultaneously.
Following a thorough search of the parking lot vicinity, the blatting of Groper’s hash horn could be heard directing us down Old Paper Mill Road, past the Reservoir and following a left arrow onto Nonantum Drive. After the 2nd intersection we encountered a checkmark and an arrow together, which the FRB’s had no clue what to do with, so took what seemed to be the path of least-resistance and followed the arrow through some guy’s yard into the side of the Reservoir. Eventually, someone in the pack had a moment of clarity and realized that we were to check-back to the previous arrow, which Skids assured us was a “standard mark,” though it had mysteriously not appeared in chalk-talk. So, after we back-tracked and were joined by the late-cumming Tits of Steel and Tinsel Tits we came upon a check which we wrongly followed to the right down Fall Brook Road and were joined by the walkers coming across a field who said they had found a False somewhere. So, once we back-tracked again to the hare who was patiently sitting cross-legged on the sidewalk, we found some chalk marks leading further out Old Paper Mill Road and into the surrounding neighborhood.
Since Pube was ill with Typhoid or Malaria or something, Bunion’s Bitch was leading the charge most of the evening up and down the hills prompting some dude in a pick-up truck to yell out his window, “Don’t let that old man take you!” Clearly, he was not familiar with what Old Man Bunion’s Bitch is capable of. Eventually, we came upon the Turkey/Eagle split, so it was time for the Eagles to fly and the Turkeys to gobble-gobble and who the hell knows what else. All I can vouch for is that the Eagle trail was hilly, we ended up following some non-marks (perhaps salt piles from last winter) into some guy’s driveway, got recognized by some guy who thought he might want to try hashing, and did I mention it was hilly? From what I heard later, some neighbor threatened to call the cops on the Turkeys, which they’ve heard a million times before, so simply ignored her. Skids’ plan to have everyone arrive at the Beer Near at the edge of Redd Park turned out damn-near perfect and we were even joined here by Dancing Fool who had arrived just in time to graciously collect all our beer cans.
Since some of the natives were getting restless and worried that Magic Carpet Ride’s light would be the only thing guiding us home, we headed into the lovely trails of Redd Park and back toward the Reservoir. Here, we were assured that there had been several tit and dick marks, but someone rubbed one or more out and made a real mess, so it was flash ‘em if you got ‘em. Trail wound us around to the back of the Reservoir where the On In distinctly pointed us to the shorter way around (though some FRB’s were encouraged to take another lap) and on down the hill to the cars where we were met by Wickwacker who may or may not have had hash shit for sale.
And so, once everyone made it back and we had sufficiently taken over the middle of the parking lot, Wishboneher commenced circle and the singing and shit-slinging ensued. Skidmarks was made to drink for the first of what is sure to be at least 3 more shitty trails. Mount Me was deemed FRB since she failed to stealthily sneak out of the port-o-jon after the rest of the FRB’s arrived at the end. After much debate, DFL was co-chaired by Dancing Fool, Miss Piss and Tinsel Tits who could not figure out when and how they arrived at the On In. Interuptuses Bunion’s Bitch, Tits of Steel, IHOV, and Wickwacker drank for pretending to have better things to do and Mount Me drank again for apparently hash-crashing again, whether it was legit or assisted. IHOV and about half the circle drank for all sharing the sleeve of beer. Finally, as the sun sank further and we proceeded to block a few more cars in the parking lot, Woody was called-upon to bid us, “May the hash go in peace,” and thus endeth the Wednesday hashes until spring springs again.
Following circle, Skidmarks broke out the gourmet PB & J along with many assorted chips, orange food and hasher-approved noshes, including plenty more beer as we continued to loiter in the parking lot until most of the locals had been sufficiently chased-away. All in all it was another shitty trail. On-On!NecroPheelMeUp