I am too lazy to update the web side but back end is up to date.
|What:||Hockessin Hash #1150 - Asshopper's 21st Birthday Hash|
|When:||Aug. 24, 2016|
|Where:||715 Art Lane, Newark, DE|
The Wetter the Better
|What: Hockessin Hash #1150, Asshopper's 21st Birthday Hash! Be prepared to drink some beer, eat some cake, and act like you're 21 forever!|
When: Wednesday, August 24, 2016 at 6:30 pm, HST
Where: 715 Art Lane, Newark, DE, 19713 (PLEASE be considerate of where you park your car on their street.)
Who Hare: Asshopper and The Wetter the Better
Friendlies: K-9s, probably for trail and Apres,yes, but please keep your dog away from our Pussy.
What to Bring: Chair for the Aprés and a dry bag, cause you know, you might get wet ... for the better.
D'erections: From I-95, take Exit 1 for Route 896 N/Newark. Stay right and at the 2nd light, take a right JUST AFTER W Chestnut Hill Rd. The AFTER is a jug-handle to go across, there is no left turn lane at the light. On W Chestnut Hill take the 3rd Right and go to the end. Folks coming N on 95 can get off an exit early and save the toll. Folks coming from north can make their way to Rt. 896 South and turn right on W Chestnut Hill. Third right is Art Lane. If you get lost call.
Cause for Blindness
Cock a Doodle Don't
Do Me On the Beach
Hare Today Cum Tomorrow
Jewel of Duh-Nile
The Wetter the Better
|Trash for Hockessin Hash #1150, the aptly-numbered Asshopper’s birthday hash|
So, the slobbering pack met at the abode of Asshopper and Wetter the Better on Art Lane in the south of Newark, DE for Asshopper’s 21st-and-not-counting birthday hash on a warm, pleasantly not-so-humid, low 80-ish degree evening of August 24th, 2016 AD. Hashers I remember encountering at some point or other included: Jewel of Duh-Nile, Toxic Shock, PubeHeAteHer, NecroPheelMeUp, Cousin It with Famous Jack, Hare Today Cum Tomorrow, Pickle Dick, Tinsel Tits, WishBoneHer, Fuck 5, Closing Time, Mount Me, Wet Lay, Bunion Butt, Dead End, Devil Woman, Cause for Blindness, Butthead, Asshopper, Wetter the Better, Groper, Do Me On the Beach, Perfect Woman, Woody, Cock-a-doodle-don’t, Giz Specialist with Bo, Miss Piss with Chesapeake and . . .?
Our hares for the day were the amphibious Wetter the Better and the insectuous Asshopper who was celebrating his 21st birthday for the 29th time. The pack migrated to wherever the beer was located between the front yard and the driveway as Asshopper threw down a few marks for chalk-talk in “West Coast” scrawl. At last, our RA WishBoneHer had the wherewithal to realize that daylight or lack thereof might be an issue today, so Asshopper was asked to step forward to explain the Sanskrit flour marks he had meticulously crafted. These were to include a check-back which resembled a square-root symbol, a False which resembled an Eagle marking (perhaps to mislead the FRB’s into running into oblivion), some general flour marks which may appear on the back of trees, under car tires or completely faded-away between last night and today and a Beer Near, which is the only mark that anyone could clearly understand. Prior to our departure, the sleeve of beer and hash shit were bestowed upon Bunion Butt and Devil Woman respectively since they had thoughtfully coordinated their outfits today with identical t-shirts. Since there was no true-trail arrow anywhere, we all started wandering down the driveway with Wetter trailing off that oh yeah, we MIGHT get wet and oh yeah, there should be some Jolly-J’s along the way too unless some lucky neighbor, drifter or raccoon had come upon them first. Finally we came upon a mark leading into a trail at the end of the road, so ...
Into the woods, into the woods we ventured through Rittenhouse Park and across a bridge where we were thwarted by a check or two until we were led out through someone’s backyard and into the surrounding neighborhood with streets named after either birds or colleges. This being a “hilly” area for Delaware, one wrong move at a check or coming across a square-root check-back could lead to an exercise in more unsolicited exercise. Such was the case for a while until we arrived in a different wooded area, which the hare failed to tell us had white-painted blazes on the trees looking a lot like flour blobs. Once we realized that we were to stare at the ground instead, where some of the marks may or may not have been trampled-upon, Pube found the first Jolly-J which was freshly-sealed in a Ziploc bag and got to share a shot with Wet Lay who had managed to cover at least a few hundred yards from the beginning of trail.
The pack became at-one with nature after coming upon a check since we thoroughly explored every single trail in these woods, except the correct one. Miss Piss (or was it Chesapeake?) finally found marks leading down to the right and eventually back out into the neighborhood where after some more ill-fated check-guessing, Woody eventually found trail and Wetter the Better standing at another check, which led us into more woods and not-surprisingly smack-dab into the drink, aka the Christina River.
This being a Wetter the Better trail, we expected there to be some element of swimming involved. The 3 pooches on trail certainly enjoyed their swim as Famous Jack was observed with only his head above water and I’m pretty sure he was breast-stroking. The dogs were not the only ones with chilled balls as Cock-a-doodle-don’t, who was foraging ahead, was helping to identify all the deep spots (or less-shallow for those of us who are not vertically challenged). Woody, who actually wore water shoes, still insisted on keeping his feet dry and taking the high ground around town. At last, we met up with Asshopper standing on shore with coolers of beer for us to whet our whistle along with our wet everything else. At this point, we all realized that the sun had set about half-an-hour ago and the prepared boy and girl scouts among us actually produced some mini-flashlights. Asshopper advised us to take our beers and get our asses a hoppin’ back to the house, which was, quote: “Not far at all, just up the river and up the bank!” These famous last words would be ringing in our ears for far longer than expected, but no sooner had we arrived, then back out into the fast-approaching night we went.
Some of the pack hadn’t had enough of the river, so jumped back in and climbed out onto trail on the other side, that is except for Cock-a-doodle-don’t who shimmied himself across on a fallen log. Those with cat-like eyes somehow identified marks on trees for a while, which either ran out or became visible to only the vampires that Wetter had warned were coming for our slow asses. Jewel of Duh-Nile was sure that the Kraken was going to get us and Fuck 5 was warning us about rabid beavers, which we weren’t sure meant actual rodents or STD’s. Luckily, we made it back without losing any bodies and the only creatures of the night to jump out at us were Cause and Woody who were kind enough to take it up the rear to the On-In.
And so, it was time once again for the hashers to be hushed, the insults to be hurled and the songs to be uttered, or muttered as we circled-up at the behest of our not-so-soft-spoken RA, WishBoneHer. A pisser vessel was to be used for the down-downs, which it was eloquently pointed out by Perfect Woman, that “Someone stuck their dick in that.” Pretty sure the former contents of it tasted no different than Coor’s Light, anyway. The hares were ridiculed for not having enough water and having way too much illumination on trail. Giz Specialist drank for having no excuse for being away too long while auto-hashers Dead End, Pickle Dick and Tinsel Tits drank for staying dry and not smelling bad. Cause drank for being an oft-cumming “visitor” while her towel (which was serving as her only clothing) fell to the ground and we all thanked the powers-that-be that the light was dim. Miss Piss drank for hash-crashing and was joined by Mount Me, who was trying really hard to break her hand on trail. Bunion Butt drank for giving his goods away (beer from the sleeve) on trail. Wetter paid tribute to Asshopper’s late father by reading one of his famous dirty limericks that was definitely hasher-appropriate. Asshopper then got to drink for his 21st birthday and Wetter presented him with his own happi coat with the insignia of his mother hash, Bakersfield H3. As we saluted Asshopper, Woody dismissed us with “May the hash go in peace,” and much peace, love and happiness ensued.
Following circle, we enjoyed a lovely spread of pulled chicken sandwiches, pasta salad, potatoes and Caesar and kale salad provided by Wetter the Better. Of course, there was also cake which was mostly consumed by Hare Today Cum Tomorrow. The kiddie pool was enjoyed by Cause who hadn’t bathed in a while and we all enjoyed many more beers into the deep, dark night. All in all it was another shitty trail. Stay tuned for Hockessin Hash #1151 this Wednesday.On-On!NecroPheelMeUp