Hockessin Hash House Harriers History

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Hash Details
Hash Number:1148
What:Hockessin Hash #1148 - Analversaries and Butt Stuff
When:Aug. 10, 2016
Where:235 Whitehorse Lane, Kennett Square, PA
Hares:Kum On Inn
Spunk Monkey
Trail Order Bride
What:  Hockessin Hash #1148, Analversaries and Butt Stuff
When:  Wednesday, August 10, 2016 at 6:30 pm, HST 
Where:  235 Whitehorse Lane, Kennett Square, PA 19348
Who Hare:  Kum On Inn, Spunk Monkey, and Trail Order Bride
Why:  Kum On Inn/Trail order bride's wedding analversary and Spunk Monkey's hash analversary
Friendlies:  Trail - No clue.  Apres - Absolutely not.
D'erections:  https://goo.gl/maps/tjkrR53n1PD2   Park all the way in the back of the far lot.  If you are near non-hasher cars, you are in the wrong spot.
Bumpy Beaver
Butt Lite
Circle Jerk
Closing Time
Cock a Doodle Don't
Cousin It
Dancing Fool
Devil Woman
Digital Dick
Dirty Wet Pussy
Do Me On the Beach
Hare Today Cum Tomorrow
Jewel of Duh-Nile
Kum On Inn
Lost Boy
Lost Penis
Perfect Woman
Pickle Dick
Spunk Monkey
The International House of Virgins
Tits of Steel
Toxic Shock
Trail Order Bride
Weird Al Spanks the Bitch
Woody Woodpecker
Hash Trash
Trash for Hockessin Hash #1148, Analversaries and Butt Stuff Hash 
So, the slobbering pack met in the back parking lot of Spunk Monkey’s place of employment on Whitehorse Lane in the land of the mushroom, Kennett Square, PA, on an oppressively hot, 90-something degree (with heat indexes in the holy-hell range) evening of August 10th, 2016 AD.  Hashers I remember encountering at some point or other included: Jewel of Denial, Toxic Shock, Devil Woman, PubeHeAteHer, NecroPheelMeUp, Cousin It, Groper, Lost Penis, Skidmarks, Hare Today Cum Tomorrow, Dirty Wet Pussy, Pickle Dick, WishBoneHer, Dancing Fool, Just Don, Fuck 5, Closing Time, Just Sarah, International House of Virgins, Tits of Steel, Circle Jerk, Do Me On the Beach, Trail Order Bride, Kum On Inn, Perfect Woman, Woody, Spunk Monkey, Cock-a-doodle-don’t, Bumpy Beaver, Weird Al, Butt Lite, Digital Dick, Lost Boy and . . .?
Our hares for the day were the 2nd wedding analversary-commemorating Kum On Inn and Trail Order Bride who celebrated their court-house wedding two years ago by showing up to Spunk Monkey’s hash and are still picking the remnants of the flour/egg/beer paste that they were showered with out of their personal affects.  Since they had spent their wedding night with Spunk Monkey (what happens at Spunk Monkey’s stays at Spunk Monkey’s), it was only appropriate that Spunk (who was also celebrating his hashiversary) serve as the third hare, aka delegator of all trail marking responsibilities (perhaps considered as “fair-ups” for the awesome wedding night).  And so, while we sipped on our slowly-warming beers in the ghastly heat, Kum On Inn threw down some flour and began to explain what to expect when you’re expecting a threesome (of hares involved in trail).  Marks included the usual flour blobs which we were told should also be considered checks. This sounded like a lot of running to the lazy sacks of shit milling about, so we drank some more and pretended to listen while she continued.  We were to also look for some Jolly-J’s, however we were told that since there were so many, the actual DFL should not drink them all and let the 2nd, 3rd and 4th from last have a nip (we would surely let them fight that out, and enjoy the show).  There were several stops, which we were happy to see included a Beer Near, Shot Stop, Champagne Near and some music notes which we were instructed meant an all-hasher song stop, aka wait for all the sloths to arrive before engaging vocal chords.  Trail Order Bride then threw in the “oh, by the way ...” instruction that we should probably look for some pink ribbons on trail too.  Then came the now traditional doling-out of the sleeve of beer (which was already dripping at this point), which was given to Lost Boy who already looked like he could use some more hydration and the hash shit, which was given to Bumpy Beaver because she just happened to be strolling into circle late at the moment.  At last, it was time to follow the true trail arrow and saunter off into the sauna air, so ...  
Trail took us out of the parking lot and down a gravel road until the marks ran out and we were left chasing our asses around for a few moments.  When some marks were finally identified again, we spent the next several minutes darting back-and-forth between shiggy and road and back to shiggy where several wankers were trying to get back to the road to avoid the shiggy, which turned out to be a futile effort.  Several of us found ourselves lost in a construction site for a while and running through some guy’s backyard until Kum On Inn in her orange-shirted glory was seen standing like a statue wondering where the fuck everyone was going. Once we were back “on hare” and back on track, we headed out to State Street where a line of about 5 Jolly-J’s awaited some “lucky” slobs who enjoyed shots of rum or tequila, which had gotten nice and warm over the last few hours. 
As we wound further through the surrounding neighborhood, some of the front-runners thought they were on a circle-jerk up and down several hills, but turns out they were going backwards on a “No-No” when they came upon everyone else waiting at the Beer Near wondering why the fuck they were doing laps for the hell of it.  Here we were joined by Just Don and Dancing Fool, who with his Spidey-sense, apparently had no trouble following trail up to this point.  Pube and Cock-a-doodle-don’t attempted to climb the nearby ropes course in the park, but didn’t get very far (surely it was the alcohol, not the lack of muscle).  Finally, some of the slobs started wandering off again, so we headed back on trail toward Nixon Park serenaded by the sweet sounds of the summer concert series band playing some Rolling Stones tune as we wound around the park trails.  Here, the long-lost Lost Penis was recovered, who had apparently done some “No-No’s” and missed the Beer Near completely.  As we proceeded to disrupt the concert with our “On-On!” yelling, Pube and Cock-a-doodle-don’t were racing ahead while several other wankers stopped to play on the swings.  Eventually, trail came out of the park and back to a familiar-looking park with a ropes course and Hey ... weren’t we just here?  Turns out, that sneaky Kum On Inn had laid a Shot Stop in the very same spot as the Beer Near while we were away.  Clever.  Here we were treated to some fine scotch or Bailey’s, whichever sat the best in one’s stomach on a scorching day.  Not wanting to linger long as daylight was fading, we were back out across State Street and headed toward what we hoped was home.   
Eventually we found ourselves in the parking lot of a gym where one of the patrons congratulated us for “running outside on a hot day.”  If she only knew ... turns out our Song Stop was here, so we waited for the sloths to gather before we broke out into some song that I can’t remember because it was too hot and I had several shots/beers in me at that point. 
Soon we found ourselves running on a dirt road beside the railroad track, which many of us recognized was near to the cars.  It was not over yet, however because the Champagne Near was soon discovered along the tracks, so we passed and swigged the bottles around because we were too hot, wasted or stupid to discover that there were actually cups there for us.  At last, we headed up the dreadful hill of death past the mushroom shacks and On-In to the parking lot where Spunk was waiting for us with plenty more beer.   Once everyone had wandered back in, our RA Wishboneher politely suggested that we “CIRCLE UP BIMBOS AND WANKERS!” so we began by calling our 3 hares into circle and ridiculing them for their shitty trail, analversaries and other assorted violations.  Spunk was again made to drink for backing his beast of a truck into Just Sarah’s Scion, so the two of them were made to drink for being Asian drivers and were joined by Devil Woman who was profiled into the mix and Perfect Woman for being a “woman.”  After this, it was suggested that all minorities and then majorities drink, and since no one knew what the hell this meant, everyone shared in a social round.  Just Sarah was made to drink again for head gear, since this was her second hash and there was no holding back on the insults anymore.  Wishboneher was made to drink out of her vessel after everyone in circle contributed beer or other alcohol to it, which made a most tasty concoction and I have no idea what the violation was for.  Lost Boy managed to get rid of all the beers in the sleeve, but was made to drink for of course using nerd names on trail again.  Skids was made to drink for “borrowing” a dildo from the Olympics party and someone was made to drink from a cat’s food dish, but the evening was beginning to really become a blur at this point.  Finally, after several attempts, Woody was allowed to bid “may the hash go in peace,” so before we got a piece, we drank a toast to “Fuck Wingnuts!” and called it a night.
Following circle, we made the long trek across the parking lot to Spunky’s work place kitchen (where seemingly from his Facebook posts, he spends most of his time), where he treated us to a scrumptious spread of pasta salad, potatoes, meat or soy sauce, wieners and anatomically correct analversary cake made by Family Jewels.  All in all it was another shitty trail.  Stay tuned for Hockessin Hash #1149 this Wednesday.On-On!NecroPheelMeUp