Hockessin Hash House Harriers History

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Hash Details
Hash Number:1144
What:Hockessin Hash #1144
When:July 13, 2016
Where:1705 Lovering Ave, Wilmington, DE
What:  Hockessin Hash #1144
When:  Wednesday, July 13, 2016 at 6:30 pm, HST 
Where:  All American Sports Bar, formerly Famous Tim's, 1705 Lovering Ave, Wilmington, DE 19806 (corner of Lovering and Augustine Cutoff)
Who Hare:  Wishboner and Deathwish
Friendlies:  Who knows, but it will be on the hot and sticky, and maybe wet ...
D'erections:  From from the north on I-95, you can exit at Rt. 202 North and find your way to the Augustine Cut-off, cross the river, and take a righto onto Lovering.  From the south on I-95, exit at Rt. 52 North and take right onto Van Buren St, and go 3 blocks and take a left onto Lovering.  Go about 1/2 mile and look to your right for All American Sports Bar.
Bunion Butt
Circle Jerk
Closing Time
Dancing Fool
Devil Woman
Dirty Wet Pussy
Do Me On the Beach
Hare Today Cum Tomorrow
HIV Positive
Kum On Inn
Lost Boy
Lost Penis
Mary Fucking Poppins
Mount Me
Night Deposit
Perfect Woman
Pickle Dick
The International House of Virgins
The Wetter the Better
Tinsel Tits
Tits of Steel
Toxic Shock
Wet Lay
Hash Trash
Trash for Hockessin Hash #1144
So, the slobbering pack met at the formerly known as Famous Tim’s, but now generic All American Sports Bar of Trolley Square, Wilmington, DE on a hot, sticky-sweet humid 80-something degree evening of July 13, 2016 AD.  Hashers I remember encountering at some point or other included: Wishboneher, Hare Today Cum Tomorrow, NecroPheelMeUp, PubeHeAteHer, Pickle Dick, Tinsel Tits, Lost Penis, Skidmarks, Kum On Inn, Asshopper, Wetter the Better, Wet Lay, Bunion Butt, Dancing Fool, Groper, Do Me On the Beach, Circle Jerk, Tits of Steel, International House of Virgins, Dirty Wet Pussy, Just Nile, Fuck 5, Just Beth, Mary Fucking Poppins, Death Wish, Lost Boy, Mount Me, Devil Woman, Perfect Woman, Toxic Shock, HIV Positive, Night Deposit and ...?
Our hares for the day were the infamous Death Wish, the now one-of-us Hare Today Cum Tomorrow, and the needs-no-introduction Wishboneher.  We all gathered inside the bar (which as of now retains all the “famous Tims” on the wall) to soak up as much air-conditioning as we could before getting all hot and bothered outside.  Wishboneher was sporting some not-so-trail-rated high-heeled sandals, so we assumed she had other business to attend to (i.e., the food), so Death Wish announced that he and Hare Today Cum Tomorrow would be live-haring and that we must give them exactly 12 minutes head-start.  Thus, Death Wish began a rather drawn-out version of chalk talk outside, which took at least 12 minutes, but seemed like more.  There were the usual flour blobs, checks, fuck-you’s and best of all -- two Beer Nears and Shot Nears, which is the only information we gave a shit about.  Well, aside from the tit check in which the male members (heh!) of the group were instructed that they must wait at the appointed mark until a female (or perhaps dude with man-boobs) flashed him the goods.  Wishboneher threw down an optional, rather large and spewing dick check which was decidedly nixed (and shriveled) by Death Wish.  Some arrows, which may or may not be true were thrown down along with other arrows with lines through them, which were actually true.  Then a “TA” was drawn, which contrary (and thankfully) to popular belief did not mean Tits and Ass, but Turkey and Asshole.  Turkey was to be the usual flightless-bird jaunt while Asshole was to be so full of shit that we were told by the full-of-shit Death Wish, “You will never catch me!”  While we all pondered this challenge, the hares finally got off before the sun had a chance to dip any further.  At this point, Wishboneher asked that our “noisy visitor,” HIV Positive from Buffalo, by way of Newark, by way of the Netherlands, introduce himself and was given the distinct privilege of choosing either the sleeve of beer or the hash shit to carry on trail.  He opted for the lighter load of hash shit, while Lost Penis somehow voluntold herself to carry the beer.  At last, after approximately 11 minutes and 59 seconds, we were released to the streets of Wilmington, which on any given day can be an adventure, but with these hares anything could happen.
Trail took us down Scott Street toward Kentmere Park where we hit our first of many checks and went the wrong way the first of many times. Skids’ whistle could be heard directing us toward the park where a bunch of wankers could be seen sliding over an embankment because someone had seen a check at the bottom of our first of many cliffs. Kum On Inn and Dirty followed our visitor, HIV Positive, wrongly to the left because he happened to be shouting the loudest.  The rest of the pack was thwarted at a false in the opposite direction up some stairs, where Pube not-surprisingly kept going and we didn’t see him again for quite some time. Turns out, we were to cross over the Brandywine on the slippery footbridge of death where another check was waiting for us on the other side.  After some milling about, MFP discovered that trail went straight up another cliff, but we were relieved to hear his voice yelling “Bear Near!” at the top.  The cold suds were a welcome treat to the thirsty pack who had gotten a little moist already (from the humidity, that is).  Here we were joined by long-interuptus, Night Deposit and long-off-trail Pube who looked like he had just jumped in the Brandywine.  After the pack started getting cranky from the hot-flashes, some of the slobs started wandering up-river in the direction that they hoped trail would go, which turned out to be straight into more deep shiggy. On-On!
After some more climbing and sliding, we came upon a check and saw that Ihov and Pube were walking back from the woods calling for only females to approach.  This could only mean that the tit check was near, so the scenery certainly improved for some at this point.  Soon after, we encountered the Turkey/ Asshole split, which I am told turned out to be treacherous for both, however I can only account for being an Asshole.  The A trail had us sliding down another shiggy cliff and following the creek bed until we reached some precarious-looking moss-covered metal “bridges” that we decided were easier to go around by climbing up a rock wall and another cliff.  Soon we came upon a Shot Near consisting of a plastic bag full of shooters, which helped to numb our bodies and our brains into continuing onward.   
Eventually, we climbed back up to a paved path near Alapocas Park where a check was identified in a grassy field.  As we started to follow it, we heard the voice of Mount Me calling “Beer Near!” so this idea was abandoned and we continued straight. Unfortunately, we were to learn later that we had completely missed the second Shot Near. Well, shit. Worse, was that several wankers had walked past where the Beer Near had been called, where there was apparently no Beer Near near.  Eventually one WAS found down another steep embankment and almost in the water, so those of us who stayed happily indulged in some more cold ones as well as left-over shooters.  When we finally vacated the area, we encountered a may-not-be-true arrow pointing into the Brandywine, however decided to use the bridge instead (thought the water looked much more inviting at this point).   
The end of trail brought us out through a neighborhood where Pube was recognized by a former student again and we were eventually reunited with the straggling Turkeys.  After a check to the left, the familiar sights of Trolley Square could be seen and we congratulated ourselves for having survived another trail where Death Wish was involved.  
And so, we circled in the parking lot between the bar and Wishboneher’s house where RA Skidmarks called the 3 hares into circle so we could ridicule them for not having enough poison ivy or dirt cliffs on trail.  Lost Boy had somehow managed to be first in, though hadn’t stopped at the second beer stop, so Pube and Dirty joined him for FRB and FBI of the whole trail minus the second Shot Near.  We had to wait for Pickle Dick to mosey back in to be honored for DFL.  Mount Me was made to drink for preempting the Beer Near while Tits of Steel was recognized for hash-crashing.  Our “noisy visitor” from many lands, HIV Positive, tried to keep us there all night by singing the “I Used to Work in Chicago” song, but the RA’s thankfully put the kibosh on this.  Wishboneher was made to drink for complaining about the beer, then kept losing control while trying to hash-hush the rest of us into putting our heads together for some namings.  Just Beth was christened “Closing Time” (aka, “you don’t have to go home, but you can’t fuck here”) for being caught on camera at work in a compromising position and somehow keeping her job.  Just Nile became “Jewels of Denial” for possessing prized cojones in addition to some mystery regarding his virginity.  Speaking of virginity, we didn’t think we’d ever get a piece, but thankfully Dirty stepped in as stunt-Woody to not-so-peacefully bid, “may the hash go in peace” and finally put an end to the shit-show.    
Following circle, we all invaded the Famous All Tims All the Time American Sports Bar and enjoyed Wishboneher’s spread ... of meatball sandwiches, rice, veggies and most-assuredly from Hare Today Cum Tomorrow: plenty of pie.  All in all it was another shitty trail.  Stay tuned for Hockessin Hash #1145 this Wednesday.