Hitting save is very important... database sync isn't working and I am lazy
|What:||Hockessin Hash #1141 - DWP's Birthday mud shiggy Oh-my-god-what-did-I-just-step-in extravaganza Hash|
|When:||June 22, 2016|
|Where:||1108 Lauren Place, Newark, DE|
|Hares:||Dirty Wet Pussy|
Kum On Inn
|What: Hockessin Hash #1141, DWP's Birthday mud shiggy Oh-my-god-what-did-I-just-step-in extravaganza Hash |
When: Wednesday, June 22, 2016 at 6:30 pm, HST. Pack off at 6:40PM. I know we have the light of the shimmering moon but I don't want to be responsible for you wankers after dark. Where: Approximately 1108 Lauren Place, Newark, DE 19703
Who Hare: Dirty Wet Pussy, Dark Roast Beast, Kum-on-inn
Friendlies: Probably not dog friendly. Bring at your own risk of serious mud and water. Dry bag? Durrrrrr ... Etc. let's see, bug spray, Ivy block, shiggy socks, walking stick, pool noodle, whistle .. The usual.
D'erections: From I-95, take exit 3a to 273-E. Take a right on Old Baltimore Pike. Go 1 mile then take a left onto Martha Washington Avenue (the housing development across from DWP's development, if you know where that is). Continue half a mile and take a left onto Lauren Place. Drive to the end, find parking, and hash.
Cock a Doodle Don't
Dirty Little Pumper
Dirty Wet Pussy
Do Me On the Beach
Hare Today Cum Tomorrow
Jewel of Duh-Nile
Kum On Inn
Mary Fucking Poppins
The International House of Virgins
|Trash for Hockessin Hash #1141|
So the slobbering pack met up around the 1100-1400 block of Lauren Place in the Christina Green Neighborhood of South Newark, 19702 Delaware on the late afternoon of Wednesday, June the 22nd, 2016 AD.
Hashers I remember being present at some point: Lost Penis, Lost Boy, PubeHeAteHer, NecroFeelMeUp, Family Jewels, Cock A’ Doodle Don’t, Groper, Skidmarks, Cousin It, The International House of Virgins, Just Nile, Bunion Butt, Pickle Dick, Do Me On The Beach, WishBoneher, Hare Today Cum Tomorrow, Just Shane, Asshopper, Mary Fucking Poppins, Perfect Woman, Dancing Fool, Woody, Devil Woman, Dark Roast Beast, and many, many others.
Our hares of the day were Dirty Wet Pussy along with Kum On Inn, and I think Dirty Little Pumper. This trail thus being in honor of DWP’s birthday. Being a veteran of many DWP’s birthday trails, I have learned to bring a change of EVERYTHING, along with a towel and a wash cloth, and dare not don any garments or shoes that I actually care about. DWP birthday trails tend to be well marked but rather challenging to get through with some being less challenging than others. This one not being one of those kind. Though afterwards the hash is typically rewarded with way above average food and plenty of it.
As was not a surprise, the end of Lauren Place where we were to congregate for opening circle, backed up to that collective of small waterways south of Old Baltimore Pike, north of Rt. 40, east of Walther Rd, and west of Rt 273, where all the decaying bio-matter from the surrounding area ends up washing off into, known in these parts as “The Swamp of Ass”, which is usually included in the DWP birthday hash, and which is a fairly generous nickname considering that even an over-active ass of an unwell person smells pleasant compared to this place. Along with every oil refinery, chemical factory, and landfill that I have ever visited. Fish are not found in the waters of the Swamp of Ass. Neither are ducks, beavers, turtles or tadpoles. Even mosquito larvae find the place a bit inhospitable. The only known residents of these waters being the rather small kind, that congregate in colonies and tend to be shaped like rods, spirals and spheres, if you get my drift. Whilst wading waist deep in the Swamp of Ass, as we were to do soon enough, one could literally shit ones pants and no one would notice ... Okay I think I got the point across.
But anyway, for 20 minutes or so we enjoyed basking in the setting sun on the nice dry asphalt sipping a variety of fine brews provided by Bunion Butt, along with Cousins Its latest home-brew, this not being one of his chunky varieties, before embarking on this past Wednesday’s adventure.
All the hares finally arrived with Kum On Inn wearing her usual offensive race-shirt, and Wishboneher opened circle for chalk talk. We were thus reminded that it would be a bad idea for anybody to bring any expensive electronic devices on trail. And that those of us with penises would likely find them shrinking during part of this journey. And Asshopper was scolded once again for misplacing the Hash-Shit, and forced to carry the sleeve of beer, a tradition Skidmarks came up with a couple of summers ago. And soon enough we were on trail.
On! On!Trail goes into the woods and down a hill with PubeHeAteHer racing ahead as always. Thorns, stinging nettles and plenty of other shiggy stood in our way, which seemed like paradise to me, as we soon had to follow the orange ribbons wading across one mighty cold section of the Swamp of Ass. Being waste deep we were, or in the case of Cock A’ Doodle Don’t, chin deep.
On! On!We come to the first of many, difficult embarkations back on to land with the mud being mighty deep and the slope being might slippery. Hashers I heard for miles behind me screaming and yelping and Oh my Fucking Goding.
On! On!On land for a while, then another nasty water crossing or two. Then back across on the same side of land where we started out at where we see a grinning DWP who was followed by some wise hashers sticking behind to find the short-cut point. Even so at this point Lost Boy and Family Jewels ended up way behind the rest of the pack with the sweeping Kum On Inn.
On! On!Through a bunch of thorns we went, getting stuck in the mud here and there. And then we reached the first shot stop. So for a few we enjoyed some mud slide or kalua type thing while Dirty Little Pumper stood high and dry on a deer stand watching over all of us. Do Me on The Beach somehow ended up getting there almost first and without getting wet or muddy. Gee? I wonder how that happened? So after the bottle was done with Lost Boy and Family Jewels still a mile or so behind, off on trail we went.
On! On!Another treacherous water crossing or three through the Swamp of ASS. The 3rd one causing just about everybody to hash crash. Since its impossible to see where ones feet are going and some spots are deeper than others. Hare Today Cum Tomorrow decided to be a gentleman for a minute and give a few people a hand getting back on land.
On! On!We trudged and sloshed through the bamboo section of the swamp. Also many deep spots here and many opportunities to lose ones shoes in the mud. If the Fugitive himself had to go through here to escape the cops, I’m pretty sure he would have given up his search for the One-armed man and turned himself in.
Some solid ground we finally do find, at least for a little while and we cum to the beer near. We enjoy the solid ground and some beers. While Dancing Fool informs us that he has found a recently discarded Yuengling can and goes about a serious investigation to out who the guilty litter bug is. Our RA, Wishboneher decides AssHopper must have been the culprit, even though he was drinking a sleeve full of PBR, and the rest of the jury immediately agrees. And at this point we figured Lost Boy and Family Jewels must have given up on trail by now, and off we went.
On! On!About 10 minutes more of the same, sans the bamboo, before we get to the last shot stop. And are treated to warm margaritas served in plastic champagne glasses. This we drank as many hashers eyed the Spunk Monkeys raft which was conveniently sitting on our side of the Swamp of Ass, but inconveniently can only hold about 3 people or 2 hashers at a time. Soon we were off knowing without even seeing the marks that would would need to make one last foul water crossing to get back to point A.
On! On!Many of us made the swim across, as this crossing was rather deep, even if you are not Cock A Doodle Don’t. With the water being a bit too warm for Wetter the Better’s taste, it was just better idea to get it over with. Skidmarks attempted a half hearted effort to climb a felled tree to get across but soon had to give up on that idea. IHOV made the mistake of trying to cross over the high ground which turned out to be quite a muddy trap. And several hashers demanded the privilege of taking the raft across, as if as this point it was possible for them to get any more dirty or wet ... pun definitely intended.
Eventually everybody got back to point A, even Lost Boy and Family Jewels who ended up doing the whole trail anyway, or so that seemed the case by how filthy they still were when they made it back to the Apres.
And from what I heard, while hanging out in the parking lot at Lauren Place waiting for everybody to get pack, PubeHeAteHer decides to lounge in the back of Skidmarks truck and remained blissfully unaware as Skids turned on the engine and put it in gear, as Skids also remained equally unaware that Pube was still lounging there. And so our GM was suddenly jettisoned to the back of the truck, but kept his mellon in tact, fortunately. Eventually all made it back to the Grand Apre’s, the pad of DWP and hubby Dark Roast Beast who was busy getting the fine tasting grub ready for us. And there we were joined by auto hashers Lost Penis, who was arranging our long awaited Happi Coats, and the auto-hashing Woody who didn’t even need to bother coming up with an excuse this time.
Eventually our fair-weather RA Wishboneher opens circle and a mighty long list of offenses compiled for downs-downs did she have sitting on that table. Penalties and Awards were dished out. Songs were sung. The hares drank many times. As did the first in and the last. A slightly cranky Asshopper, with a new haircut that matched his mood, felt he had done his fair share of downs-downs for the night and threatened to quit the hash as Wingnuts did, if people continued to call him out more. He then doused a few folks with beer to get the point further across. As far as I’m concerned he may send that damned Hash-Shit to a glorious end in that fire pit of his. And I’d be fine with that. But most others seem to feel differently. Wishboneher brought the circle to an end topless, after the all the penalties and awards were dished out. Sans a few basics like hashes interruptus. The hash went in peace, with Woody fucking up that line as he consistently has ever since it has become expected of him to say it.
After circle, we enjoyed a fine spread of chicken and beef tacos. Along with cheese enchiladas, refried beans, some fine spanish style rice, and all the fine fixings that would go with that including the freshly cut non-pickled jalapeños. That and some fine birthday cake this time provided by Family Jewels, and some tasty brews. No doubt further, interesting shenanigans occurred later on, perhaps involving the hot-tub. But this writer was too tired to stay up any later.
It was a rather memorable shitty trail.
Stay tuned for Hockessin Hash #1142 this cumming Wednesday.On! On!