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|What:||Hockessin Hash #1134 - Hockessin's Annal Red Dress Run|
|When:||May 4, 2016|
|Where:||108 West Main Street, Newark, DE|
|What: Hockessin Hash #1134, Hockessin's Annal Red Dress Run|
When: Wednesday, May 4, 2016 at 6:30 pm, HST
Reminder: We're now hashing on Wednesdays at 6:30 pm, until September
Where: Deer Park Tavern, 108 West Main Street, Newark, DE 19711
Who Hare: Cribsnatcher and ??
What Should I Wear: Say yes to the dress, a red dress, that is. Don't have one? You might be able to pick up one at the last minute at the Goodwill in Newark Shopping Center.
Friendlies: Dogs -- if they're wearing red dress and don't mind being leashed up outside of a bar ... go for it.
D'erections: See here http://www.deerparktavern.com/ordereze/directions.aspx, in case you've never been to the Deer Park Tavern; make sure your sexy red dress is hitting all the right curves; park; walk inside, look for hashers, they won't be hard to find; order a beer; and wait for the hash to start.
Dirty Wet Pussy
Hare Today Cum Tomorrow
Kum On Inn
Mary Fucking Poppins
One Trick Dick
The International House of Virgins
The Wetter the Better
Tits of Steel
Trail Order Bride
|Trash for Hockessin Hash #1134|
So, the slobbering pack met at where else? Ye olde Deer Park Tavern in destination Newark, DE for the annal H4 Red Dress Run on an overcast, nippley, 50-ish degree evening of May the 4th (be with you), 2016 AD.
Hashers I remember gracing us with their loveliness included: Wishboneher, Spunk Monkey, Cribsnatcher, NecroPheelMeUp, PubeHeAteHer, Devil Woman, Woody, One Trick Dick, Tits of Steel, International House of Virgins, Pickle Dick, Tinsel Tits, Butt Lite, Digital Dick, Dirty Wet Pussy, Lost Penis, Skidmarks, Mount Me, Perfect Woman, Jug Stain, Kum On Inn, Trail Order Bride, Mary Fucking Poppins, Lost Boy, Asshopper, Wetter the Better, Bunion Butt, Wet Lay, Hare Today Gone Tomorrow, Dancing Fool, Cousin It and ...?
Our hare for the day was none other than our founding father, Cribsnatcher who always has something creative up his sleeve, or up his ass depending on your point of view. He certainly followed-through with this trend, for after we finally dragged our asses out of the bar and into the chilly air, we were greeted with a “cup talk” in place of the usual “chalk talk.” In other words, why mark the trail with boring old flour and chalk when you could instead simply staple a bunch of red Solo cups to the trees and poles? Or it was a good way for Crib to get some random, leftover cups out of his garage. He had even gone so far as to designate two cups together as a “check” and a cup upside down as a “false.” Unfortunately, we were given the bad news that said cups did not contain shots of Fireball and there were no guarantees that said cups hadn’t been collected by some thirsty U of D kids to supplement their keg party, but it wouldn’t be a Crib trail without the potential of getting hopelessly lost and confused. Nevertheless, once everyone’s eyebrows had been simultaneously raised and heads cocked (ha!), we were off to invade the streets of Newark once again in all of our formal red finery.
And so, we were “on cup” as the first of the red Solo cups was readily identified in front of the student center. Trail led inside, so the lucky saps in the computer labs were greeted by a parade of red fools hooting and hollering down the halls and through the back door (yow!). Many had looks of confusion, while others seemed to think it was just a typical day on campus. After the slobs had left the building, we were greeted by our first two-cups-together, aka “check.” Those who went straight along with Kum On Inn and Pube found a check-back, which Pube blew through and went missing for a while. Some of us went right and found an upside down cup to let us know we had been fucked. So, through the music building and into a courtyard we went in search of cups, but there were none to be found until Spunk spotted some familiar looking white substance (er?) that looked an awful lot like flour. It would not be until later that Crib informed us, “Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you I used flour too!”
Luckily, the pack has somehow evolved and adapted (somewhat) to Crib’s methods and we figured out that we should probably follow these “new” marks which led to some more cups and with the smell of vomit in the air, we came upon our first “Beer Near” at the Buffalo Wild Wings. Our sea of red spread quickly through one section of the bar while a wide-eyed server did her best to dish out the suds to the grabby bunch. Then a round of wings appeared for everyone to enjoy (one wing a-piece, as instructed by Crib…or more) and we happily parked ourselves at the tables for a while. Crib attempted to provide some direction to Wet Lay at this point to prevent the walkers from getting lost on trail during the next section, however this effort would prove to be completely futile later on. So, at last it was time to venture out again and we discovered more red cups leading us through some more courtyards of confused students and eventually out to South College Ave and past the police station.
Speaking for the police … and hashers … it had been decided at the beginning of the night that the charity we would be collecting and donating money toward would be the Cystic Fibrosis foundation, as 5 hashers (Devil, Skid, Lost Penis, Pube and Necro) were already registered for the CF Stair Climb in June and were in the process of raising funds. Lost headed up tonight’s effort by carrying around her own hand-made donation box and using her powers of influence to collect money not only from the hash, but the surrounding community. One of these community members happened to be a cop who after asking what the hell we were doing, managed to drop $4 of the community’s tax money into the box. Thanks, ociffer!
Though Crib tried to throw us off with more double cups, trail went straight down South College and into a park where no stop had been marked, but thankfully Crib’s car was actually there in time to let us know that it was indeed a “Beer Near” (not that Crib has ever missed a beer stop in the past …*cough*). Crib’s packed car (which is on its way to competing with Dancing Fool’s) contained a cooler of beer for our enjoyment, so we hung out here until the cold air had seeped back into our bones long enough.
Most of the pack was led astray when Crib informed us that the unmarked “Beer Near” was actually a “check,” however MFP turned out to be the wise man amongst fools and led us in the correct direction toward Main Street. Onward, forward past a volleyball game and through a courtyard we followed the cups in the fading light until we found ourselves b-lining up Haines Street and ignoring and double cups, for our destination must be Main Street, right? Odds ran high, however the cups ran out and we were forced to choose left or right between two women (Klondike Kate’s or Catherine Rooney’s) as to which one held the “Beer Near.” Turns out, Catherine was our bitch and here we were reunited with Wetter, Bunion, Wet Lay and visitor, One Trick Dick who had not managed to make it to Crib’s car (surely nothing to do with Crib’s directions or Wet Lay’s interpretation of them). Nonetheless, the pitchers flowed at Catherine’s while we were served by one of Pube’s former students. Eventually, Crib declared “On-In” and we all headed back to the Deer Park, including Butt Lite who nearly took off in the wrong direction. There was some sprinting “racist” behavior at a stoplight between Trail Order Bride, IHOV and various others, but all in all we mostly strolled or sauntered back to the destination from which we had cum where we were joined by the autohashing Skidmarks and Digital Dick and met by Crib who was in the process of ordering us plates of nachos for Taco … Wednesday. The Deer Park staff allowed us to use the entire upstairs, or banished us there to rid themselves of us, depending on your point of view and circle was commenced by one of our recently returned RA’s, Wishboneher. Accusations were thrown around and many songs were sung. First in was One Trick Dick who had cum from far-away Utica, but didn’t end up going very far on trail. Pube, not wanting to leave any beer behind at Catherine’s, managed to get DFL so he could drink some more. Mount Me faked a crash again, so drank for that as we sang that song about her uncle. Autohashers Skids and Digital Dick drank for looking fancy and Mount Me joined them in a drink for not wearing a red dress. GM’s former and present drank and visitors Jug Stain, One Trick Dick and Hare Today Gone Tomorrow drank while many verses of the El Camino song were sung. Kum On Inn accused her other half, Trail Order Bride along with IHOV for their racist moves while Lost drank for soliciting a cop. Half the group drank for interuptus while more than half drank for stuffing their faces full of nachos during circle. Bunion, Wetter, Wet Lay and One Trick Dick drank for missing the beer stop and finally Crib drank for his shitty trail and cups on trail with yours truly standing in as stunt liver. Finally, before the nachos disappeared entirely into the scavengers’ mouths, Woody was at last allowed to deliver the benediction of “May the hash go in peace!” and we all rushed to the plates to get the last pieces of food.
More beer drinking and revelry ensued well into the night and all in all it was another shitty trail. Stay tuned for Hockessin Hash #1135 this Wednesday.