Hitting save is very important... database sync isn't working and I am lazy
|What:||Hockessin Hash #1132|
|When:||April 23, 2016|
|Where:||200 Interchange Blvd, Newark, DE|
|What: Hockessin Hash #1132|
When: Saturday, April 23, 2016 at 3:00 pm, HST
Where: 200 Interchange Blvd, Newark, DE 19711
Who Hare: Orifacers and Wetter the Better
Why: Earth Week -- celebrating nature and planet that's wetter the better.
Friendlies: Dogs -- Trail yes, Apres yes.
D'erections: From I-95, take Route 896 North. Go 1 miles, turn left on route 4. Turn left Elkton Rd. Make the left into Interchange industrial park and look for Launch trampoline. Find hashers. Lost? Call Asshopper
Dirty Wet Pussy
Do Me On the Beach
The Wetter the Better
|Trash for Hockessin Hash #1132|
So, the slobbering pack met at scenic 200 Interchange Blvd. (aka, an industrial complex with a trampoline-jumping place and some warehouses) in Newark, DE for the Orifacers and Wetter the Better’s birthday hash on a lovely spring, upper 60-ish degree afternoon of April 23, 2016 AD.
Hashers who appeared on trail in my short-term memory included: Skidmarks, Lost Penis, NecroPheelMeUp, PubeHeAteHer, Cousin It with Famous Jack, Woody, Dead End, Dirty Wet Pussy, Asshopper, Wetter the Better, Bunion’s Bitch, Spunk Monkey, Toxic Shock, Do Me On the Beach, Beastyalidocious with mighty Max, Nip Fuck and ...?
Our hares for the day were the Orifacers trio of Skidmarks, PubeHeAteHer and Asshopper. Apparently Asshopper had partied hearty the night before, as he staggered around during chalk talk like the walking dead and we were warned that if we saw any piles of vomit on trail, that they were not to be mistaken for true trail marks. We knocked back a few cold ones, including Cousin It’s chocolaty-looking IPA as Skidmarks explained the various marks that awaited us: some checks, fuck-you’s, chalk squiggles, a song check, ala Mississippi family reunion (i.e., everyone must wait for everyone to arrive prior to breaking out in chorus), a Beer Near (though we were not told how many), some “BVC’s” (i.e., be very careful and don’t get your ass run over crossing this busy street) and a “Jolly-J,” which had to be explained to a few of the interuptuses, that the FRB to discover said “J” was to look for two shooters, deliver one to the DFL, toast to your health and knock them back at the same time. And so, without further loitering around, we were instructed that the arrow pointing to the chainlink fence was not exactly true, but we should find some flour around here somewhere, so ...
Trail brought us out of the parking lot, across Elkton Road and into the great state of Maryland where we encountered some checks along the way and eventually found ourselves in a shiggified, wooded area with some creeks, and/or drainage-ditch mud holes to cross. Sharp-eyed Max and Beasty led us through the rough, spotting the flour marks on the trees until we encountered our first cliff-slide-into-ankle-deep-water crossing. Though the hares tried to thwart him many times on trail, Woody claims to have kept his feet dry throughout the day, however no one wanted to get close enough to his shoes to verify this. While he looked for a way around, the rest of the slobs simply splashed and plodded through, following a deer trail along a chainlink fence out to a road where we encountered a check. Half the pack went running back and forth along the road until they discovered that everyone else was headed back through an opening in the fence and into an under-construction development. We then encountered a somewhat undecipherable mark that caused some of us to break out into song, while others searched the area for some shooters until Dirty determined that it was neither a song check, nor a J-check, but a check-back 5. At this point, Lost Penis and Spunk Monkey found that cutting through one of the house frames was much quicker than going back, but eventually we all found our way into another development where Woody and Bunion’s Bitch blew past a check and we all wandered around for a while until we spotted Skids and Pube standing on a curb shaking their heads at our recurrent blindness.
Woody was the lucky bastard to find the first J-stop, so he got to run back to, of all people, Bunion’s Bitch who is not exactly accustomed to being in the DFL spot. After eventually realizing that yes, he was supposed to drink the WHOLE shot, Bunion’s Bitch regained some ground as we made our way through more shiggy and more cliffs of insanity. At last, we were out of the woods and into a nearly-abandoned shopping complex where the front-runners had a little trouble staying on course because Pube had slalomed the blue squiggly chalk marks through the parking lot and only Asshopper’s car horn was able to alert the drooling idiots that “Oh, I guess this is a Beer Near!”. Here we were treated to nothing but the best, Milwaukee’s Best as we gawked an Bunion Bitch’s bloody legs and various others who had left some of their DNA on trail. Do Me decided to see if a friend was home up the block, while the rest of us eventually decided that it was time to get back on trail, until we strolled about 10 paces up to Fletchwood Bar and discovered that this was to be our second Beer Near! Dead End had apparently been the only patron at the bar until we all took it over and ordered more beers while Spunk shared some of his tasty Old Bay cheesy poofs. Mighty Max and Famous Jack were informed that this was too fine of an establishment for their kind and were forced to wait outside, so eventually we all decided that it was nicer out there anyway and enjoyed the rest of our beers in the sun. At last it was time to really re-start trail, so ...
After about 9 marks following a check, Pube thought it would be funny to lay a false. Some went back while others decided they were close enough to the cars and had had enough of wandering around in this god-forsaken state and were ready to head back to Delaware. The hares split the load of corralling the slobs through the last part of trail, with Skids sticking with Woody, Necro and Dirty while Pube intercepted Beasty, Bunion’s Bitch, Cousin It, Nip Fuck and Lost Penis to shortcut their way back onto trail. The three would-be FRB’s with Skids were unaware of the presence of the others, so Woody and Dirty shared the last Jolly-J and they all did a shortened version of the Yogi Bear song at the song check while following the chalk arrows in circles that led around a bunch of construction cones. Eventually, a check-back 6 was discovered, however Woody hashed smarter and found a hole in the fence that a tree had made to escape turning back. At this point, all marks had become checks so we stuck with the hare to avoid any unnecessary movement. At long last, we crossed one final drainage ditch with Dirty finding the deepest part and Woody, of course staying dry and returned to our starting point wondering where everyone else was. Eventually the second faction showed up while we were told that Spunk, Do Me and Toxic had retreated to the après location to get the party started. And so, we departed to Asshopper and Wetter’s where circle was to be held and much more revelry was to ensue.
Circle was convened by RA/Hare, Skidmarks and many insults and accusations were thrown about. Do Me drank for being first in who cut trail, while Woody and Necro drank for FRB/FBI and actually completing all of trail. Mary Fuckin’ Poppins arrived just in time to drink for auto hashing to keep Dead End company. Nip Fuck and Beastyalidocious drank for interuptusing us and Beasty put us all in our place by informing us that she had been looking for better friends during her time away. Bunion’s Bitch along with many others drank for blood on trail and those who did not complete all of trail were made to drink for being lazier than the rest of us. Wetter Drank for turning 29 again and again with Beasty for being South African. The hares drank for their shitty trail and the orifacers finished their term in style by being made to drink many, many times simply for being orifacers. At last, Woody was summoned forth to deliver the benediction of “May the hash go in peace!” and a piece (of something) was had by all.
Following circle, Pickle Dick and Tinsel Tits arrived and we were all treated to a smorgasbord provided by Wetter and many of the orifacers which included some tasty shrimp and rice salads, sausage, lasagna, bread and cake. Wetter also made some minty South African shots for us that Tinsel Tits mistook for dressing and poured all over her salad. An interesting way to cut the alcohol, but delicious none the less. All in all, it was another shitty trail. Stay tuned next for the AGM this Friday, Hockessin Hash #1133 at some point to follow (TBD!) and Hockessin Hash #1134, the Red Dress Hash on Wednesday, May 4.