Hitting save is very important... database sync isn't working and I am lazy
|What:||Hockessin Hash #1131 - The Star Wars Hash|
|When:||April 16, 2016|
|Where:||29 Falcon Court, Wilmington, DE|
|Hares:||Magic Carpet Ride|
|What: Hockessin Hash #1131, The Star Wars Hash|
When: Saturday, April 16, 2016 at 3:00 pm, HST
Where: 29 Falcon Court, Wilmington, Delaware 19808 Who Hare: Magic Carpet Ride & Wet Lay
Why: Star Wars Trivia Challenge and so much more!
Friendlies: Dogs -- Trail yes, Apres no.
D'erections: From I-95, take Route 7 North. Go 6.5 miles, turn right on Stoney Batter Road. Turn left at the next light onto Middleton Drive into Limestone Hills. Make the first right onto Falcon Court, bear left and look for hashers. Please park in the parking lot, not on the street. Lost? Call Wet Lay
Cock a Doodle Don't
Dirty Wet Pussy
Kum On Inn
Magic Carpet Ride
Senior Sex Toy
The Wetter the Better
Trail Order Bride
|Trash for Hockessin Hash #1131|
So, the slobbering pack met at the home of Magic Carpet Ride, aka the moon of Endor and home to the Ewoks (who looked a lot like Chihuahuas) on Falcon Court in lush, green Pike Creek, DE for the “Star Wars” hash on a gorgeous springy, upper 60-ish degree afternoon of April 16, 2016 AD.
Hashers who may or may not have been on trail or appeared in my imagination at different times during the day included: Wet Lay, Bunion Butt, Skidmarks, Lost Penis, NecroPheelMeUp, PubeHeAteHer, Cousin It, Devil Woman, Woody, Dead End, Magic Carpet Ride, Cockadoodledon’t, Dirty Wet Pussy, Asshopper, Wetter the Better, Groper, Bunion’s Bitch, Just Lauren, Just Greg, Just Kevin, Spunk Monkey, Lost Boy, Kum On Inn, Trail Order Bride, Miss Piss, Poo Fucker, Slut Master, Senior Sex Toy, Butt Lite, Circle Jerk and ...Magic Carpet Ride’s parents ... and some dogs.
Our hares, aka Jedi Masters for the day were Magic Carpet Ride and Wet Lay, who assured us that they had used The Force to mark trail (whether that meant “the force of nature” or “the force of gravity,” we would not discover until much later). There was much loitering about in the beginning, as most of us had come from the frozen planet of Hoth (aka, last week’s hash in New Castle) and hadn’t much sun to warm us in quite some time. Eventually, Magic Carpet Ride was summoned by the Rebel Alliance to begin chalk talk. Virgins, Just Kevin and Just Lauren were asked to step forward and declare their allegiance to the Rebellion or the Dark Side (or to simply state their names and who made them cum) and were given a thorough lesson in the art of hashing by Obi-Magic-Kenobi. Though we thought at first that she was playing Jedi mind tricks, it appeared that Magic had left out a few marks from her chalk talk, including a few minor Falses and a not-so-minor Shot Stop (which shall be discussed later). No matter, because the Force was sure to be strong with these hashers (Ha!) and after Magic was asked to at least draw an arrow in the direction we were supposed to start it, we were off ... like a speeder bike, or an AT-AT depending on your motivation.
And so, into the shiggy of Endor we ventured using the Force, or flour marks or simply following the slobs in front of us. After many ups and downs, twists and turns we heard a dog barking ... or was that the voice of Yoda saying, “Wrong you are. This way you must not go.” Certain was no one, but there was one particular check which nearly caused our RA, Skidmarks to fall into the Rancor pit (actually, off a cliff), but thankfully a Forcefield held him back and we all continued to climb into Endor’s (Pike Creek’s) deep forest terrain until ... some familiar phrase was heard from the front of the pack. “Use the Force?” “Trust your feelings?” “Beer Near?” Yeah, pretty sure it was that last one, so down a hill and up to a stone wall we bounded where the piss-in-a-can that gives the Jedi’s their true powers was enjoyed by all. We lingered here for a while hoping to drink enough to spot an Ewok, but alas, the beer ran dry and so did our patience.
After crossing a road, we again found ourselves in the shiggy and trying to scale a hill with the voice of Yoda (or more likely the beer) in our heads: “Do or do not ... there is no try!” Eventually we found ourselves on a paved path, which perhaps was leading us to the Dark Side, for “Once you start down the dark path, forever it will dominate your destiny,” or just lead you to more beer. We continued to trust our feelings and follow the path in front of us until the Force seemed to take a shit break, or something. Cumming upon a bridge, two opposing arrows were discovered. Apparently, this was indeed Jedi mind tricks at work (or perhaps too many of Wet Lay’s special “Wookie Cookies” had been consumed by the hares). The majority of the pack followed the way of the Dark Side straight until the “On In” was discovered a little too soon.
Clearly, the Force had abandoned the sorry sloths at this point, so some of us decided to remember our training and follow the arrow back to the bridge of confusion, while the rest of the pack gave in to the powers of the Dark Side and simply went back to the house for cheesy poofs and beer. Was it not Obi-Magic-Kenobi who once said, “Your eyes can deceive you ... don’t trust them.”? Pretty sure that’s what she was going for as we continued to follow the other arrow to what eventually was labeled a “Beer Near,” but actually became a “Shot Near” after a hill of death had to be conquered. Low and behold, at the top of said hill we found ourselves in the Cantina with music, Star Wars trivia questions and Luke, Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru’s blue milk (a Rum Chata or Pina Colada concoction brought to us by Poo Fucker with much food coloring, or as Asshopper dubbed it, “Smurf Spluge”). Though I’m not sure we could be described as a “wretched hive of scum and villainy,” we did all end up with blue tongues before following the Force of gravity back down the hill (yes, against the very same marks that we had followed up!) and retracing our steps to the eventual On-In.
And so, the Galactic Senate, aka Circle was eventually convened by Skidmarks and there was much drinking for various conquests and infractions. The hares drank many times, mostly for their Jedi half-mind tricks on trail resulting in half the pack losing faith in the rebel alliance and taking the path of least resistance. First among them was Bunion’s Bitch, while DFL was awarded to Miss Piss after Wet Lay was determined ineligible due to haring. The “Wets” drank for being wet and the “Butts” drank for being butts. The virgins drank for being virgins with Just Lauren deep-throating the contents of her cup and proving that she was indeed “one of us.” Some drank for leaving blood on trail, some for interuptusing us and others for auto-hashing or simply showing up for the party. Cockadoodledon’t was apparently lost on the dark side of the Endor moon and ended up getting into a woman’s car (without invitation) and using his own Jedi mind tricks to convince her to drop him off at home base. If that doesn’t deserve a drink, I don’t know what does. And so, when the half-minds had squeezed out their last inklings of creative accusations, Woody was at last summoned to utter, “May the Force be with you,” aka “May the hash go in peace!”
Following circle, we were treated to a delicious spread of meatballs, sausage, tortellini, salad, veggies and bread along with a lovely assortment of Wetter’s fancy cupcakes and Wet Lay’s special “Wookie Cookies.” Those who ate too many of the cookies lingered around long enough to watch the Flyers make asses of themselves in game 2. All in all, it was another shitty trail. Stay tuned for Hockessin Hash #1132 this Saturday.