I am too lazy to update the web side but back end is up to date.
| Hash Details | |
|---|---|
| Hash Number: | 1205 |
| What: | Hockessin Hash #1205 |
| When: | Sept. 6, 2017 |
| Where: | 776 Old Baltimore Pike, Newark, DE |
| Hares: | Deathwish | Message |
| What: Hockessin Hash #1205 When: Wednesday, September 6, 2017, at 6:30pm HDT Where: On the Rocks, 776 S Old Baltimore Pike, Newark, DE 19702 Who Hare: Death Wish What Else: Quote from Wishboner, "Bimbos and wanks!!! This is the last Wednesday hash of the year! Get your rumps out and show this guy that we appreciate him gracing us with his presence and his exquisite haring abilities as a guest hare from 2 hours away. One of the shittiest hares I know (and love)!!! He promises filet mignon, lobster, dom perignon, caymus Cabernet, fabulous giveaways for everyone, and 72 virgins for the pack to share." Hash Cash: $7.00 Friendlies: It's a Death Wish trail, so ya never know ... but it will be cool for your doggies. D’erections: From I-95, take exit 3/Rt 273 East towards Dover. Turn right onto Old Baltimore Pike. Go 4.3 miles, the pub is on the left next to the Valero gas station. From Newark, get your ass to Rt. 72 or Rt. 896 south and take a left onto Old Baltimore Pike, On the Rocks is on the right less than 1/2 mile past Rt. 72. | Hashers |
| Bumpy Beaver Butthead Dead End Deathwish Dirty Wet Pussy Do Me On the Beach F6 Groper Hare Today Cum Tomorrow Jewel of Duh-Nile Lost Penis Mary Fucking Poppins NecroPheelMeUp Perfect Woman Port-a-Ho PubeHeAteHer Shit Out of Luck Skidmarks Smells Like Hash Spirit Wishboneher Woody Woodpecker | Hash Trash |
| Trash for Hockessin Hash #1205 – A Death Wish So, the slobbering pack gathered up at an old favorite spot, On the Rocks bar in Newark, DE for the trail of an old favorite hare on a rainy, shitty, mid 60-ish degree last Wednesday of summer trails evening of September 6, 2017 AD. Hashers I remember encountering at some point or other included: Port-a-Ho, PubeHeAteHer, NecroPheelMeUp, Do Me On the Beach, Bumpy Beaver, Woody, Skidmarks, Lost Penis, Mary Fucking Poppins, Dirty Wet Pussy, Perfect Woman, Butthead, Fuck 5, Wishboneher, Hare Today Cum Tomorrow, Just Sherri, Groper, Smells Like Hash Spirit, Dead End, Jewels of Duh-Nile and . . .? Our hare for today was the world-infamous Death Wish who cums but once a year (maybe twice if you’re good) to torture the true gluttons for punishment. The weather was perfectly shitty for such an occasion and one-by-one the masochists arrived at the bar to dry-off while whetting their whistle before the onslaught began. Since mother nature was quite moist today, our executioner hare did an indoor version of “chalk-talk” on a legal pad to describe the pain that was to cum. There were to be flour blobs (here marked in pen), some checks, falses, check-backs, a tit-check, and true trail arrow which looked more like a smiley-face on paper. Plus there would be 3 Beer Nears to give our tormentor plenty of time to fuck with us. And so, without further ado, the grim reaper slithered out into the rain on a 12-minute head-start while we pounded more beers to embolden us for our impending death march. On-On! At approximately 11 minutes and 59 seconds, we were out the door in search of Death. We were quickly thwarted on the first check which should’ve been a sign to us, but nevertheless we persisted, disrupting some locals near a daycare center while taking pictures by some weird rubber animals in the parking lot. From there, it only got worse as we clawed our way into some deep shiggy until we checked down an embankment smack-dab into the creek. At this point, those hashing smarter (Port-a-Ho, Just Sherri, Groper and Smells Like Hash Spirit) gave Death Wish the finger and headed back to the bar to pound some more drinks. Wishboneher and Hare Today lost the pack while half of the rest of us traipsed through the shiggy alongside the creek and the other half went for a swim, i.e., up to our necks dog-paddling down the creek with Pube and Dirty fully submerging themselves. On-On! Eventually we helped each other up a muddy embankment onto dryer ground, fucked-around on a few more checks, and at last found our first Beer Near next to two abandoned bike helmets in the woods, which we figured meant the ghosts of two bikers were haunting us as we drank. What was left of the pack wandered in and we agreed that since it was already getting dark and we had one headlamp and two cell phones between the 8 of us, that maybe sticking together would increase our chances of survival by a few minutes. After we started trudging forward again, it was back into more deep shiggy and more water where Dirty found a deep hole and completely submerged herself again. As the darkness continued to close in on us, we waded and hacked our way to the Old Baltimore Pike overpass where Hare Today and Wishboneher were calling On-On. It was either over on the road or under through the water, but eventually DWP hit a check on Old Baltimore that brought us down the road and then checking left under some power lines. On-On! This section was actually quite pleasant in comparison to what was behind, an unbeknownst to us, in front of us. The second Beer Near was marked a few times just to tease us and then we came upon an arrow pointing us into a deep, dark tunnel through a drainage ditch under I-95 where the beer was waiting for us on the other side, as nothing cums easy on a Death Wish trail. And so, our On-On’s echoed through the tunnel and we were rewarded with canned swill that tasted like the shit we just waded through (probably). As it got colder, darker, and wetter we toyed with thumbing it on 95, but decided to follow marks through the ditch which low-and-behold led us into another tunnel going back under 95…again. But this tunnel was even more exciting as it gradually became narrower and the drainage run-off waterfall from 95 poured onto our heads. On-On! What else ya got, Death Wish?? (one should never ask). On the other side of the tunnel, we emerged to a straight-up muddy/shiggy embankment and found some marks in the ditch on the other side of 95. Eventually said marks led into the deep, dark shiggy woods and here is where half the pack said “FUCK NO” and decided to take their chances slogging along 95. Pube, MFP, Fuck 5, Jewels and Hare took the path of most resistance into the woods while illuminating their way with two cell phones, while yours-truly with the headlamp shined a light for the rest of us down the I-95 trench. On-On! Do Me fell into a mud hole along the way while Skids took off into the darkness, leaving the women to our own devices. Eventually, we figured-out that we had to climb a wire fence to get back to civilization as the shiggy closed-in, so one-by-one we gracefully bounded the fence and groped our way through some shiggy till we ended up in a parking lot. From here we made our way to 72, back to Old Baltimore and On-In back at the bar where we realized that the cell phone adventurers had not yet arrived. From what I was told later, these fine gentlemen were in the thickest shiggy yet with several cliffs of insanity and many predators lurking. MFP saved the day with his trusty umbrella by pulling all of the others to safety up the steep cliffs and this group also got to enjoy the third and final Beer Near. Eventually, Jewels’ face appeared, mashing into the glass outside the bar and everyone was at last present and accounted-for, regaling all the smarter hashers and auto hashers with our tales of woe at the hands of one sick, fucking hare. Somehow, On the Rocks allowed us to hold circle inside the bar while several pool and darts players tried their best to ignore our singing and shouting. MFP was declared FRB since he was actually the first in to do all of trail. Woody, Butthead, Perfect Woman, Dead End, and Bumpy were called-out for auto-hashing while Groper, Hash Spirit, Just Sherri and Port-a-Ho drank for being the smartest of the three “tribes.” The 5-to-1 tribe of DWP, Lost Penis, Do Me, Wishboneher, yours-truly, and Skids drank for managing to make our way around the path of lesser-resistance while the living-and-dying-dangerously tribe drank for actually surviving all of trail. And of course, Death Wish drank for being the shittiest of shitty hares in the tri-state area. Following circle we enjoyed some sandwiches, potato salad, fruit, cookies and plenty of celebratory beers at the bar. Closing Time who had been texting Fuck 5 on trail wondering if he was still alive showed-up with baby Alexander for his first run-in with the hash. Several of us lingered later into the evening, regaling each other and those unfortunate regulars at the bar with our America’s Got Talent-worthy karaoke skills. All in all it was another unbelievably shitty trail. Stay tuned for Hockessin Hash #1206 this Saturday, Hockessin’s anal crab hash.On-On!NecroPheelMeUp | |